I had a twenties night out this past weekend, and I can say I have never been more happy to be old and boring and 31 and married.
It all started with my youth guilt, you know when you're hanging out with a bunch of youthful 20 year olds, and they're all going to a party and you think "man I never go to parties anymore!" and you think "fuck it! I'm not gonna go home and watch 90210, i'm goin out! with the kids!"
I have become.. how can I say.. a comfortability snob in my age, what was once acceptable to me in my 20's has become nothing short of a walking nightmare in my 30's.
These are thing I don't like to do anymore: (in no particular order)..
Have the owner of the bar assume it was me who threw up all over the floor because I was the one standing in it.
Generally be out past 11.30pm
Still be out at 2am.
Be delirious and yet still not home at 4am.
Trying to sleep on a mattress in an alleyway whilst my friends score drugs in a car from a strange man.
Standing on the street ringing someone's door buzzer for at least 15 minutes with no answer.
Spewing hot chips in the taxi all the ride home.
I just really really hate going out. These days the most dangerous thing in my life is getting a nap injury whilst I sleep on the couch on a saturday night:
Leg cramps from being in a weird position for hours.
Over-heating from too much blanky.
I'm having that 'Friends' realisation moment, when Ross and Chandler were supposed to meet up with their friend Gandalf (the party wizard)
and they pack their fresh socks, passport and snake bite kit... only to end up at the cafe afterwards and they're all "does the music have to be so loud?" and Joey is like "we aren't 19 anymore!" and Ross is all "so what if I like to go home, throw on some Kenny G and take a bath"
could I BE anymore lame?