Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Instinctively Extinct

Next on the England Domination Tour:

Welcome to the Lyme Regis!

........... purdy.

Mark & I decided that for our wedding anniversary this year we would go to Switzerland, do some hanging in the HR Giger Museum and do some dramatic hikes that defy death at some stage around the Swiss Alps.

Why then? you ask, are you showing us pictures of the Lyme Regis? Well that is because the Switzerland trip was post-poned.. goddam having a job! I bitched and moaned and in the end made Mark book the most expensive B&B I could find (and believe me I looked hard!) it had to be spectacular spectacular if it was going to beat the Switzerland trip.

Luckily for Mark's ballsack, I love roadtrips. We skived off work on Friday and drove down early..once we were officially in Dorset I have to say half the time it was like being in a painting.

Nothing but rolling hills and fantastic beaches. Tell me that Durdle Door doesn't look like a cove where Pirates would land and bury treasure.. next time I'm bringing a metal detector.

And on we drove... and drove... and drove... and nowhere was open for lunch. That is my one complaint.. They call this area of England the Jurassic Coast - because the cliffs date back to the Dinosaur Period and you can hunt for fossils (geek trips!) however due to the lack of any food in the region, it was no surprise to me that the dinosaurs went extinct in the first place. Who do I have to kill to get a sandwich around here!

Luckily we ended up at our B&B and I ate my body weight in Devonshire Scones with clotted cream and jam.. bring on the heart attack (this might also have contributed to the dinosaurs downfall? who can resist a clotted cream and jam scone? aka: the stegosaurus weak point)

Saturday we drove into Devon (where the cliffs are really old - Triassic!... someone needs to make Triassic Park the movie, where the Ammonites all swim around and get into unsuspecting and cynical scientists snorkels suffocating them as they look at Plesiosaurs)

Tell me what is better than: sheep/cliffs/pebbly beaches/and waves? NOTHING BEATS THAT! I love beaches in winter. Bikini's are OUT. Layers are IN.

The next geek-filled activity on my list was fossil hunting... as our chirpy receptionist told us that a family went out the day before and came back with ten! well game on random family I've never met! I'm going to bring back a hundred. So I armed myself with my hammer and walked through the town looking like a deranged killer, and went to the fossil beach.

Unfortunately even though I had my trusty fossil findin' hammer, the downfall was this: I had no idea what I was looking for. I was essentially just picking up rocks, and smashing them into smaller rocks, because what is a fossil? an old rock. I probably smashed to pieces some ancient oyster shell or something, they should have a check sheet for retards before they go handing hammers out to people.

So nice.

And then Mark got a virus and couldn't move off the bathroom floor, so our Sunday plans were scuppered. We drove to Studland Bay (where we were going to go to the Naturalist Beach and get naked!............. not.. but we would have taken our pants off and stood behind the sign)

My big plans for Studland Bay were to walk to Old Harry's Rocks which is about a 3 mile hike, which compared to our ridiculous 15 mile hike over the Seven Sisters is nothing.. but I failed to take into account that mark had no food left in his body and only had about 2 hours sleep...and with that we left our car in the car park and walked off without any food/phones/asthma inhalers!.............. Dramatic Hike 2!

We got about a quarter of the way there when Mark admitted he was not superman and would probably pass out and fall down a cliff and get trapped in the bushes and die, and I'd have to tell everyone that my husband disappeared on one of my stupid Hikes.

KILLER HIKES... that's my retirement plan.

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