Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Anti Resolutions

I think I am a jinx.

Whenever I have grand plans in doing something whether it be a health related matter, lifestyle or holiday something always happens that tips the scales in the exact opposite direction of where I wanted to be headed.

I know that New Years Resolutions are ridiculous and unattainable, but I thought I would get the jump on that by having a time-span on my resolutions. ie: 1 month.

For 1 month I wouldn't drink, eat meat, or have sugar.

Do you really want to know how long that lasted.

I think it's safe to say that by evening of January 2nd, I cracked under the pressure.

I blame the outside influences happening in my life at the time.

NO ALCOHOL - impossible, given that I had the deadly black dogs fear about going back to work, and on our first day back at work on the Wednesday we were all down the pub drinking Bellini's into the night. Then I had a friend come visit and stay with me and am I NOT going to go out to loads of Bars during her visit? that would make a bad friend, and even worse, a bad hostess.

NO MEAT - have you ever been to a farmers market? then you will know how hard it is to leave those things without 10 hessian bags (save the planet, man) of produce. When you can buy a branch of Brussel Sprouts for £1 what kind of backwards idiot would say no to that? I mean, yeah I don't actually eat Brussel Sprouts, but I do like having branches of things in my kitchen, makes me feel like Nigella Lawson, plus those things are bad-ass. If anyone ever tried to attack me in my house I would swing that Brussel Sprout Branch at their face so hard I would be going to down for involuntary manslaughter. Safety! It is as much a weapon of mass destruction as it is an inedible disgusting branch of uselessness.

(I dare you not to buy one of these on a whim!)

So needless to say, I didn't eat the sprouts, but I did eat a giant pork burrito. You're just too good to be true. Can't take my eyes off of you. deliciousness.

NO SUGAR: probably the hardest one to conquer. Especially given that I had discovered Matchmakers. Picture This: I'm horizontal on the couch. In my Pyjamas. In a sleeping bag. Resting a box of matchmakers on my boob ledge. Now times that by everyday. for Two Weeks. and that was my Christmas vacation! Bliss.

The only issue I have with London is that it's sugary treats are rubbish. I am always having to beg people to send me treats from home, things just don't taste the same here. A Bounty Bar in England tastes like a rabies monkey's asshole. disgusting.

Then I discovered Matchmakers. Everything is just better in stick form! Stick Figures. Stick Insects. Supermodels, and Chocolate. Imagine a peppermint crisp, now put that in stick form. The greatest thing about food in stick form is that it doesn't feel like you are doing anything bad.

"how can this bad for me, it is the width of my pinky finger" (eats 200 of them in one sitting)

I currently have 3 boxes in my desk drawer at work. 3 boxes.

Woo First Week Back! Kicking Goals!!!!!!!!

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