Sunday, January 29, 2012

Dramatic Hikes

Have you ever played this game: "Whose Fault Is It?" It is a game that is played consistently in my house-hold. That is one of the problems when two idiots join forces and get married, my whole life is going to be one big "Whose Fault Is It" if I ever procreate.

Question: Whose Fault Is It - when two idiots go on a cliff-side Hike and need to be rescued at sunset by a racist-jew taxi driver?

a) Idiot Number 1
b) Idiot Number 2

well the answer to that is a trick question, the real answer is Big Daddy and Mother Superior, whom if they had never gone back to Australia to live the good life and be with their families would still be with us, going on roadtrips and generally stopping us from making stupid decisions. We shouldn't be allowed to use our brains in the wild.

Ok, the Hike.

At work this week I was itching to get into the wilderness, a bit of the ocean and fresh air was what I needed in my bones. So I looked online for some places we could catch a train to in under 2 hours, and what coastlines they had to offer. I came across a little seaside town called Seaford, whose website was linked to a nice coastal walk, which really didn't look that far, and considering the walk was put together by a nature loving little old lady hike groups, I printed out the 15 pages and got to deciding on an inappropriate hike outfit choices.

The first fight of the the day: The Trains Fault. We got half way and the train splits in half, the announcement says: stay in the first half of the train to go somewhere we've never heard of, or stay in the other half of the train to go another place we've never heard. So we ask someone who works on the train who gives us the wrong information and we miss the train we are supposed to be on and are stuck in the middle nowhere waiting for the next train. (which never would have happened if someone had googled the network rail map - no fingers pointing, but that person would be the person with the iPhone. not me)

Finally we get to Seaford.

This was our first port of call:

The beach where all the Tetris pieces come to die.

Then we hiked for about an hour and got to the goal of the hike: The Seven Sisters.

Yes that's right, we hiked for an hour, before we could even begin the proper part of the hike. this is where the hike started going downhill.. we get all the way to the bottom of this valley, and there is a river standing in the way of crossing from one side of the beach to the other.. so we walk up the river a bit more, and then realise we have to trek the whole way inland to get to to the bridge so we can cross. The whole way was filled with Mud Traps, Thorny Bushes, Landslides. We had to walk at the pace of a snail to get through the bog, whilst seasoned 70 year olds breezed past us with their hiking sticks an mud proof boots and wind resistant pants.

I was almost ready to give up by the time we made it to the bridge, so we went to a pub and sat and decided on a plan. It was at this time that I learnt my husband doesn't believe in sunsets.. My main point of needing to hurry up and get on with the hike is that we only had two and a half hours left of daylight to walk essentially 12 miles of mountains. Mark's retort was that even if the sun set we would still be able to see where we are going... (did I mention we needed to be rescued?)

By the time we hiked back down to the start of the Seven Sisters we have this much time to do it in:

and judging by my fingers-to-the-horizon-to-the-sun time telling method, we only had 9 fingers to do it in. So we power walked the shit out of those Seven Sisters.
It was a great walk. However once we finally made it to the end of the Seven Sisters we were in trouble. Because there was no town in site.. only more cliffs. Every time we found a spot with 3G the map would tell us 4 more Miles, it was like we had taken Magic Mushrooms, there was no end of the hike in site.

The problem was that we were at a point of no return - there was no way we could walk back over the Seven Sisters (we only had 3 fingers left by the sun) and we didn't know how much further it would take to walk into civilisation. It was at this point we started panicking and decided we would have to sleep on the mountain.
Mark decided he would turn off his iPhone because the stupid map kept telling us 4 more miles anyway, and he would conserve the batteries energy so that if needed we could hike down the mountain with the light from his Torch App.

That is what our hike had come too. Living in bushes by the light of a torch app.

I decided the best thing to do would be to start walking along the road, should some nice person offer us a lift (nobody did), because the one bus stop we found only had buses running on Sunday.. wtf kind of stupid town is this hike part of?

Finally the sun had set and we were in the middle of nowhere and I decided the only course of action left to us was Rescue.. Rescue by a local taxi company..

To be honest, I think we did pretty good - we did walk about 18 miles, and the only thing holding us back was the lack of sunlight. Maybe seaside hikes are best left to summertime, not the middle of winter, when the sun sets at 4pm.

As much as I love the countryside I have to say I am loving being back home, where I can walk 50m in any direction to public transport. Fresh Air = Bah.

It was a dramatic hike to say the least. If you ever need to get rid of someone (permanently) I know the perfect hike to send them on. Rachel's Dramatic Hikes! Opening Fall of 2012 (just in time for the Apocalypse)

stupid cliffs.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Anti Resolutions

I think I am a jinx.

Whenever I have grand plans in doing something whether it be a health related matter, lifestyle or holiday something always happens that tips the scales in the exact opposite direction of where I wanted to be headed.

I know that New Years Resolutions are ridiculous and unattainable, but I thought I would get the jump on that by having a time-span on my resolutions. ie: 1 month.

For 1 month I wouldn't drink, eat meat, or have sugar.

Do you really want to know how long that lasted.

I think it's safe to say that by evening of January 2nd, I cracked under the pressure.

I blame the outside influences happening in my life at the time.

NO ALCOHOL - impossible, given that I had the deadly black dogs fear about going back to work, and on our first day back at work on the Wednesday we were all down the pub drinking Bellini's into the night. Then I had a friend come visit and stay with me and am I NOT going to go out to loads of Bars during her visit? that would make a bad friend, and even worse, a bad hostess.

NO MEAT - have you ever been to a farmers market? then you will know how hard it is to leave those things without 10 hessian bags (save the planet, man) of produce. When you can buy a branch of Brussel Sprouts for £1 what kind of backwards idiot would say no to that? I mean, yeah I don't actually eat Brussel Sprouts, but I do like having branches of things in my kitchen, makes me feel like Nigella Lawson, plus those things are bad-ass. If anyone ever tried to attack me in my house I would swing that Brussel Sprout Branch at their face so hard I would be going to down for involuntary manslaughter. Safety! It is as much a weapon of mass destruction as it is an inedible disgusting branch of uselessness.

(I dare you not to buy one of these on a whim!)

So needless to say, I didn't eat the sprouts, but I did eat a giant pork burrito. You're just too good to be true. Can't take my eyes off of you. deliciousness.

NO SUGAR: probably the hardest one to conquer. Especially given that I had discovered Matchmakers. Picture This: I'm horizontal on the couch. In my Pyjamas. In a sleeping bag. Resting a box of matchmakers on my boob ledge. Now times that by everyday. for Two Weeks. and that was my Christmas vacation! Bliss.

The only issue I have with London is that it's sugary treats are rubbish. I am always having to beg people to send me treats from home, things just don't taste the same here. A Bounty Bar in England tastes like a rabies monkey's asshole. disgusting.

Then I discovered Matchmakers. Everything is just better in stick form! Stick Figures. Stick Insects. Supermodels, and Chocolate. Imagine a peppermint crisp, now put that in stick form. The greatest thing about food in stick form is that it doesn't feel like you are doing anything bad.

"how can this bad for me, it is the width of my pinky finger" (eats 200 of them in one sitting)

I currently have 3 boxes in my desk drawer at work. 3 boxes.

Woo First Week Back! Kicking Goals!!!!!!!!