Sunday, December 11, 2011

too many eggs

If there is one thing you need to know about me - I am easily influenced. I am also married to a complete idiot.. so let's just start the story knowing those two facts.

So, it's a saturday night, I have been napping all afternoon, sleeping through Mark's shit show that he wants to watch 5 episodes of (just you wait till it's my turn, and I make you watch 6 episodes of The O.C.... my time will come) then we decide to watch Breaking Bad, and it's an episode where they are all cooking up Meth, and then Walt goes inside and makes omelettes.. and you know what i'm thinking at this point..... 'Damn I feel like an omelette now too!'.. good thing I didn't sit there thinking 'Damn! I feel like some Meth' - who knows where we would be right now.

It's 10am, we go to the kitchen, and I scrounge the ingredients for an omelette from our 'university' kitchen - I call it the 'university' kitchen, because we never buy any food - so there is always just one lone tomato, 2 ancient bacon rashes, some instant coffee, a crusty square of cheese, and yakult - we never ever go food shopping.. It's like we are poverty stricken university slackers. But we AREN'T! I just spent £400 on my hair, we aint no slackers!! we are just life slackers who need a maid to do our shopping for us.. sooooo lazy.

Where was I??? right - I was making a Meth-Omelette.

I'm making the Omelette - Mark chimes in and is like "Dang! I want me some of that Omelette" to which I reply "Not a problem! We will share this bitch"..... then I say "I hope we have enough eggs"... and that's where the night goes downhill.

Mark decided to go to the 2am shop to buy more eggs - meanwhile I have cooked the delicious omelette which is easily big enough for two people, but I still have the extra ingredients prepared for when Mark comes back with the eggs to make a second omelette.

Mark comes back and I am eating my half of the omelette and Mark cracks his two eggs, and now I am full, and don't want anymore omelette.

Dilemma.

You know what that idiot does!!! (Mark just in case I need to clarify - My Idiot Husband) he freaks out.. He doesn't want to share my half of the omelette because he is a judgemental douche - who judges books by their covers - (yes my omelette was a big eggy mess, but it was delicious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)... and he's standing there with 2 raw eggs in a bowl, and 6 bacon rashes in a pan, and he goes "I'm not even hungry" - doesn't even taste my magic eggs, so we throw everything in the bin.

Well why the hell are we up to our eyeballs in eggs at 10.30pm on a Saturday Night then? If you aren't even hungry for eggs?!

At this stage I feel I need to make a website called www.nobodylikesyou.com and put a picture of Mark's stupid head on it.

We are never buying eggs ever again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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