Saturday, December 24, 2011

the 12 parties of Christmas.

On the 12th day of Christmas, I went to a party, for Massive Music in the East... caught a Tiffany Cab home and made the driver take us all over London looking for a chicken shop that was open at a quarter to three.

On the 11th day of Christmas, I snuck into Ridley Scott's Party. (I carried a watermelon - nee: Speaker).."Hey Ridley - that scene at the end of Thelma and Louise was a real mood killer" - please employ me!

On the 10th day of Christmas, I went to a Model Agency Party.. no thanks no more canapes for me, goddam beautiful stick insects everywhere. They can all hide behind my knee.

On the 9th day of Christmas, I went to my work christmas party, and now no one can look anyone in the eye, such a weird vibe, to be held hostage at someone's apartment and pass out in the gutters. At least we made it home and accidentally stole someone's wallet who turns out to be my long lost cousin. I get to work in the morning and there's a butcher knife sticking out of the floorboards at my desk. Ninja Fights!! how could I forget thee?

On the 8th day of Christmas, I did Karaokeeeeee. Sung Born Slippy.

On the 7th day of Christmas, I woke up with a tattoo, and a bloody nose from some random party.

On the 6th day of Christmas, I lost my bra, and had a bruised knee.

On the 5th day of Christmas, everybody wanted to kill each other and nobody went to a party.

On the 4th day of Christmas, I wasn't going to party, but ended up at Chinatown eating Chinese at midnight, then to the Experimental Cocktail Bar in the secret entrance. Cocktails for Free!

On the 3rd day of Christmas, we got banned from our local pub, because it's owned by Gordon Ramsey - and we were so drunk we were all swimming laps on the floor.

On the 2nd day of Christmas, I didn't leave the house - it's now been two days and i'm quite stinky.

On the 1st day of Christmas - I have to catch a cab across the city with a turducken and eggnog to the next party.

Is it any wonder everyone ends up suicidal and depressed at christmas?! all these parties could kill a person. I hereby Christen the Christmas Season - Hunter S Thompson Season.

Ergh. New Years Eve. More Party.

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