Tuesday, August 30, 2011

doin it the Antelope Way

sometimes I think us humans have many things we can learn from the animal kingdom. I usually think these thoughts after a lengthy afternoon spent wallowing in my own stench watching nature documentaries.

I'm not condoning bestiality or anything, but animal sex is quite interesting. I like the do or die way that animals decide who to mate with. Just once I would like to be the woman that all the male elephant seals have a giant battle over. not once have I ever been at the center of a row like that. No one has ever lost their nostril over wanting me that bad.

(sexy.)

There are other ways in which I am sexually jealous of the animal kingdom - they have things sorted out, they have got down to the basics of it, no messing around here.

Take for instance the white eared kob antelope of Uganda.

Life would have been soooooooo much easier if we could all adopt the mating rituals of the white eared kob....

Male pees on the ground. Female pees all over the kobs face. Then they get it on.

What can be easier than that!??!?!!

No more leg shaving, ill-fitting bras and pointy underwire, no more reading boring newspapers to come up with intellectual conversation, no more pretending to like sport and beer, no more listening to moany womens conversations about if he likes you or not. The antelopes truly have the romance of relationships down to its most basic tactics.

Probably a good thing I'm married because I would be the hairy lady who pees everywhere trying to find a mate... "Do you think you can do better than that!!!!" (I am that lady anyway come to think of it)

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