Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Amsterdam. 2.0

A wise friend once said to me `never travel to the same place twice'.. I think he meant 'amsterdam is the exception to the rule'.

Two years ago exactly we were in Amsterdam. Having the time of our lives. It was 30 degrees every day, we went to every museum Amsterdam had to offer, and we ticked every box that needs to be ticked in Amsterdam. (except seeing a live sex show - I will never need to tick that box)

So this year we thought we would go back and do it all the same. We booked the same loft. I was completely organised on where we had to go the second we stepped off the plane. And yes, I still love amsterdam.

Amsterdam has changed though, it sure were no 2009... in 2009 the sun set at midnight (so we thought) and this year 9.30pm.. in 2009 we sat outside on the canals getting a tan, this year we watched all the wet people wandering around in the rain from the safety of the loft.

We saw some amazing canal artistry:

I could write the next Banksy Movie. (if it were going to be 2 minutes long)

Then we walked down a street where the graf was totally killing the vibe

I mean - with all the riots happening around the place it was hard not to get a bad vibe from this sign. So we went upstairs and time stopped for 2 days.

I saw many many things... I saw a show about The Balloon Fuckers (I am disturbed for life) I saw an Opera that was being sung by a man who was a Thalidomide Baby (3 fingers. that man was just a head and 3 fingers!) Whoever programs the tv in that country definitely does it with people who are highhhhhhhhhhh in mind.

Then we looked all day for a movie and then Final Destination came on. And you know what we discovered from the subtext of the script... that your "departure time" is the same as your birthday.... so mark can never catch a plane at 8.15.. and I can never catch a plane at 7:09. Deep.

Then we realised that Ali Larter is amazing. And it's totally fine for J-Lo to make a come-back as long as she acknowledges the fact that she is J-Old. Older than the Egyptians. Older than the Stone-Age.. Older than Jesus. She is Old. Amsterdam. Don't be Old and on TV.

Other topics we delved into:

ANTS - who gives birth to the Queen Ant (A: the queen ants mother) and who is the slave really?? the worker ants or the queen who is trapped giving birth all the live long day.

HORSES - they don't want to chained up whilst stupid people on stupid buggies ride around on their backs!!!!!!!!!!!! FREE THE SLAVE HORSES!!!!!!!!!!!

TIBET - that is fucked up. Even Brad Pitt in that movie can't make the situation any better. Did you know they are sterilizing the Tibetan women and most of them are illiterate? genocide. buzz killer.

THE DALAI LAMA - pretty much just sounds like a bunch of old 60 year olds in yellow hats who find a bunch of babies and whichever baby picks up the old Dalai Lama's old spoon is the new Dalai Lama. sounds awesome.

CD'S - they had the laser disk cd, the compact cd, and i'm pretty sure they had a mini cd.. but I can't be sure.. also I think it was square.

WORK OUT EQUIPMENT - sure you can have Chuck Norris and Wesley Snipes and Oliver Newton John in your ad, but unless you have people using it in their pyjamas - then your ad isn't exactly appealing to my demographic.

I have magic fingers too. They are magical and can travel through space and time. weeooowoooo

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