Thursday, July 14, 2011

they call me "the wrist"

You know when you're reading your weekly 'Grazia' Magazine and you're reading a story about how all these models and actresses were discovered in really mundane ways - ie: Kate Moss is discovered in an Airport, Naomi Campbell was discovered in a shopping mall, Chloe Sevigny is discovered sitting on some stairs...

(btw - how hard is it to discover these people really?? OMG a really beautiful lady! Everyone can stop looking, because I found her!!)

Anyway - today I was discovered.. I was in the kitchen making watermelon triangles.

Sometimes I think what would I do if I wanted a career change? Astronaut? the person who stretches out the intestine to make the proper tennis racquet's strings?? so many options.

Luckily I don't have to think anymore, because I am going to be a Hand Model... specifically the Wrist.

No one tells you this but its really hard being a hand model! aside from the pressure of having perfect hands (no more shooting heroin in between your fingers, no track marks up the arms, basically any blemishes on the wrist and I'm out! having to live in the Park and sleep under the warmth of a fox who I find in the bushes)

You may never have thought about it - but you are most likely picking up your plate wrong. Says Who!! you say, well the people who want to film you picking up a plate. All these years you've been slopping the plate around, no wonder it took 31 years to be discovered.

First your self esteem will take a beating - because you can't do anything right, Hey I have a degree!! But I can't even pick up a plate.. wow.. No one told me I should be practicing my Bone China skills.

Anyway - I got the hang of it, and now I am famous.

See that wrist. that is my wrist. See me picking up that plate. Perfection. Don't call me I'll call you. I'm at the club. In the VIP wrist section.


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