Thursday, July 14, 2011

Search for an Ugly Person

Whilst on my recent trip to Oslo, I made a startling discovery. Everyone in that country is Hot. Effing Hot.

I saw some guys handing out some free Haagen Dazs and was stopped in my tracks at the overwhelming hotness of them. Even Mark who is 110% hetro was poking me saying 'those haagen dazs guys are HOT!'

And seen as how we only have each other, whilst walking around we would only have the other person to poke and gawp at hot strangers as they walked past.

Yes we saw a lot of hot, sexy, tanned, leggy, big boobied, ken-dolls walking around that place. Which makes me think - they could never run the show 'Search for a Supermodel' in that country.. Everybody would win. You'd be better off doing a 'Search for an Ugly Person'

So all trip my usual inflated ego was diminished by all the uber-hotness at every turn.

Then came the reason we went to Oslo in the first place - The Wedding. We were lucky enough to be sat at the cool table - with lots of funky good looking strangers to talk to. (not the kids table at the back) and yet more things dawned on us to make us realise what a sub-species of human we really are.

First of all - the entire wedding and reception speeches (14 of them) were in Norwegian.. and I can only say two things in Norwegian, and they are both naughty.. so I had no chance of understanding anything. That is because unlike these Brainiac Norwegians, I only speak One Language. FAIL. If you're not bi-lingual you aren't anything in this world.

Secondly, everyone at the table was the smartest person i've ever met. We had: Astro-Physicists, Doctors, Brain Touchers, people who should be sitting at tables with Stephen Hawking, not us two nitwit Australians whose only contribution to the brain sphere would be "well I could totally put a budget together for you if you wanted to shoot a £60K commercial"

These people are saving lives!! I'm making Burger King commercials.

So we left Oslo feeling dumber and uglier than we had ever felt. So good to be back in Good Ol' Blighty. Where there are NEDS (non-educated-delinquent-somethings) and Chavs, and loads of ugly people everywhere. Riding the tube to work never felt so great!

I'm gonna be a supermodel.

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