Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Nature's Curtains

I'm generally not one to socialise with my neighbours. You do your thing, I'll do mine, and if the situation requires it we may speak awkwardly in the hallway. My neighbours in our last place in Ladbroke Grove were interesting to say the least - we had the upstairs neighbour with windchimes (you know how I feel about them!) who moved out and then the Stompy Stomperson's moved in, who I would quite certainly stab if I saw them in the street again. The downstairs musical neighbours who would sing and play Elton John covers well into the night. It certainly wasn't a place to live if you actually valued getting any sleep.

So when we had to move it was sad because Ladbroke Grove is my favourite place ever!!!!!!!!!! But it was also good because we could finally get some sleep at night because Maida Vale is quiet snobby central. Plus it has trees, lots and lots of trees.

I love trees. I could stare out a window at a tree all day, trees in winter covered in snow, and trees in summer covered in leaves. I watch the mid-season trees like a hawk too "Buds! we have leaf buds!!! Springtime is here!!" to "the leaves are brown! the leaves are brown and dropping! Autumn!" Honestly, I am kinda tree obsessed. So I was very pleased with our apartment when I noticed we had a giant tree in the backyard.


Our 'Hiding Behind the Naked Tree' was situated right outside our downstairs bedroom - which is the room we have all our clothes in - hence it's our getting naked and trying on outfits room! There is nothing better than being naked in your naked room, prancing around in front of the mirror trying on clothes whilst the Jesus Rays stream in. I haven't closed my curtains since we moved in.

So......... last night I get home, have a shower and start getting ready in the Naked Room, standing around moisturising myself, flossing my crack with the towel, doing naked lunges... when I realise that something is different, something is not quite right.... something is missing.

That's when I realised that my Naked Tree is missing!! Some Jerk has cut the tree down!! What a fucking Motherfucker! Look Nakedness aside - there is no good reason to cut a tree down!! Ever!! Unless it is actually wrecking your house - to which I would probably say - well the tree was here first, so tough shit broke house.

I hate when people cut down trees!!!!!!!!! I was once at a BBQ with a bunch of Campbelltown Hicks who were talking about how they were going to cut all the trees down in their backyard because the birds were too loud of a morning. Well that's just lovely - good to see Humans and Wildlife interacting with a mutual respect for lesser species. JERKS!! Cutting down a healthy tree that was here long before you is downright Trunkicide.

Anyways - suffice to say my neighbours are now on my 'list'. Don't expect any courtesy nods in the hallway from me anymore. MURDERER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now I have to close my curtains. Do you know how much effort is involved in that!?

1 comment:

suze2000 said...

We're fat and forty, so we don't worry about being seen naked any more, haha. I reckon that's punishment enough for being pervy.

However, I hate hate HATE people who cut down trees. One of our fucking neighbours cut all his down and built a huge monstrosity of a house and a 4m wall where it was and we haven't forgiven him. We're still plotting our revenge. Never give up! Never surrender!