Friday, July 22, 2011

Cupcake Face

I have come to the conclusion that Thursday is the new Friday. I have been going out consistently on Thursdays, and wanting to die on Fridays.

Last night I went to the Rushes Soho Shorts Festival Opening Night on a whim. Crazy. There was free food (nice) free drinks (gypsy mule's - were they called this? I don't know - that's what I'm calling them) free food (that's pretty much the whole reason I come to these things - no cooking dinner required) and most importantly free cupcakes (which will come in handy later on).

I met a lot of random people - first of all being the director Andy Morahan - who directed the Guns n Roses 'November Rain' filmclip. The NOVEMBER RAIN filmclip. Plenty of other filmclips - but most importantly the November Rain filmclip. Need I say more about how much I effing love that filmclip!



It's got everything!!!!!! Helicopters, Slash playing a guitar solo in a field, and skanky wedding dresses. If I ever get married again, I am dead set doing a complete re-enactment of this clip for my wedding day. Epic.

But I didn't tell Andy this... to be honest I thought he was Peter Jackson when I first saw him. Lucky I didn't ask about shooting perspective shots of Hobbits and Wizards.

So whilst Andy is super cool and important, he was nothing compared to who else I met at this fateful party.

I.Met.Herb. Pubesman.

And who is Herb Pubesman I hear you ask? Well he is none other than my alter ego. Meeting a man who only exists in my brain is an event that only happens once in a lifetime, so I was almost dying on the floor when I met Herb.

Herb sidled up to me eating a huge piece of Black Forest Chocolate Cake, and when I say eating it was more like inhaling without breathing.. He looked at me and I looked at him and he goes "this cake is amazing" in between trying to breathe and trying to ingest cake. Then we bonded over our mutual love of buying chocolate bars and hiding them in our underwear drawer so you go to find a pair of socks and then SURPRISE! socks and mars bar!! So I introduce myself, and then he says.. "My name is Herb"

Are you kidding me!!!!!!!!! His name is Herb! Not only was his name Herb, but he completely embodied everything that I imagine Herb Pubesman to look like in real life. He wears a big black fedora hat, and an old 80's suit, with lots of purple bits and flair. So I obviously became Best Friends with Herb Pubesman, and we did a lot of drinking and then fell into the photoshoot studio and played 1920's dress ups and took a lot of weird photos. Which I am going to trawl the entire internet to find so I can prove that I met Herb Pubesman, not just to you, but to myself. I would really hate it if I hallucinated the whole thing because of the 1000 Gypsy Mules I drank.

Eventually I left the party. Only because Mark had texted me one word to bring me out of my Herb Pubesman Haze.

PHO.

Pho is my favourite Vietnamese restaurant in Soho. Someone mentions Pho to me and I drop everything and leave in a zombie-like stance walking in a trance to Wardour St where I wait patiently for 40 mins for my Phucking Amazing Pho.

I also stole some cupcakes on my way out for good measure, i'm sure they were free, but things taste better when stolen blatantly in front of someone who can say nothing to stop you. See Ya Suckers!!! I'll take my 10 cupcakes and see you in Hell!!!!!!!!!

So I get to Pho and Mark arrives and he is being a Brat. A huge Brat. He is such a brat that he has completely turned me off lining up for 40 mins for Pho. So I leave the restaurant, and Mark chases me and we have a tug of war altercation on the street, and I do the only thing I can think of to end the fight.

I pelt Mark in the head with a purple cupcake.

Purple icing flies everywhere and Mark stands there like a deer in headlights wondering what the purple sweet-smelling pain is?? Nothing ends a fight faster than a cupcake in the face. It's so stupid and funny and everyone in the pub is looking at us, so we giggle like school girls and go back to Pho and line up for another century.

What a great night. Icing in the face. November Rain Legendary Proximity. Herb Pubesman. Vietnamese Noodle Goodness.

Then I get home and realise my fly has been down the whole time. Goddammit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(what is funny, is that I woke up from a dream that night that Zahara Jolie-Pitt's name in all the celebrity magazines is AFRO JESUS.. and that is what I shall call her from now on.)

I salute you Afro Jesus!

Herb Pubesman Out.

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