Sunday, July 10, 2011


I turned 31 yesterday. And so far.. 31 is pretty dang good. We went for a drive to the Norfolk Coast - officially my Favourite Place in England now. The Cotswolds have been replaced!

My birthday began by getting up early, and trying to dress myself after having a giant hangover the day before and needing a good days sleep. suffice to say, I kinda stuffed that part up. (we'll get to that a bit later) Dressed up and ready, we walked to the car and some homeless derelict gave me a good eye-ball rape and said something like "you lookin fine!!" then how he wanted to be Edward Scissorhands because then he would be draped across my body.. Thanks Random Weirdo!! Even a compliment from a mentally ill stranger helps sometimes..

Yeahhhh 31 and stil got it!!! Who needs a gym membership?!

Our drive was to the Norfolk Coast - takes about 3 hours, and we were fully prepared with an itinerary of everything the coast has to offer, such as Norfolk Lavender. They seriously go batshit for Lavender up here. Fields and Fields of Lavender. very pretty. If you are anything like me - it's not good enough to be around the lavender, you have to be in the lavender.

what I felt sorry for were all the old people, who probably get dragged out of their nursing homes to go see the Lavender on a weekly basis. It's a known fact that old people love Lavender -what better place to leave them in their wheelchairs than in the gravel in the lavender??

"yeah see in ya in 3 hours grandpa! enjoy that lavender" fucking ingrate children!! I bet he just wanted to go to the RSL and drink some beers and play KENO.

Upon leaving the lavender fields, you feel compelled to buy lavender, so we brought a couple of plants to plant in our window pots.. but some people get a little bit too wound up in the lavender hype - a lady who was before us in the queue brought about 15 plants. wtf are you going to do with 15 plants?! I imagine those bus drivers that do the Lavender Tour want to neck themselves every afternoon when they have to drive back to London with the stench of lavender permeating every cell in their body.

I loved it though. I am really just an 86 year old trapped in a 31 year old's body.

The rest of Norfolk Coast was picturesque beyond compare. Rolling Hills, and vast fields, and most importantly the beach. The Norfolk Beaches were amazing, had I not been wearing high heels I may have even wandered down to the waters edge and stuck my toe in (but I couldn't because I am idiot who can't dress herself)

We drove through cute village after cute village - where home made signs saying "Crabs! and Strawberries!" jut out at the road willing you to pull over (which we didn't - ensue argument how Mark is always crushing my dreams of having Crabs & Strawberries - together at last)

My entire goal of the day was to get into one of those beautiful rolling fields of hay, because I would look HOT in a rolling field of Hay. Every one we drove past we would slow down and scope out the place for access points "maybe if I scale that windmill?? nope, too obvious" until finally we found one where I was free to stumble all through some farmers immaculate field of livelihood.


The plus side being that even if the landowner saw me traipsing about in his field of wheat we could have easily explained ourselves, because I am 31!! I'm clearly not some delinquent hooligan who is out to destroy your crops for the purposes of a good photo. That would just be immature, and being in the age bracket of 30+ makes that impossible. Especially when you pose like you are taking a dump in their field.

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