Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Poultry Awareness

You know when you're cooking chicken, and if you're like me, you have no patience for cooking chicken. Chicken just seems so fucking touchy. Raw Chicken will bite you in the ass if you're not careful. It's its only recourse I suppose - after all the murdering.


Ooh don't let me touch anything else whilst uncooked? I'll kill you. Did you wipe down the bench after I touched it with my bare naked skin?? You better cook me properly otherwise you'll be sorrrrrrry.

I mean?? no other meat gives you quite as much shit as an uncooked chicken. I'm not stressing out when I'm cooking a slab of ribs on the BBQ, and hey the more blood on the steak the better in my opinion. But have just a slightly undercooked chicken for dinner and your whole meal is ruined!

My cooking style is "cookin on the fly" so I've got my potato salad happening on one end, and I'm making my cocktails on the other end, and the chicken is doing it's thing on the stove. But chickens need constant supervision, they are like needy 5 year olds. Much like the ocean, don't turn you back on raw chicken. I'm not really keeping a clock in my kitchen, so after everything else is done - I go back to the chicken and if it just feels right - it feels right you know??

Serve it all up, sit down for a nice meal, slice into that chicken bone, and fucking hell. Pink Meat.
Nothing ruins a good meal like staring into the abyss of hunger when you come across Pink Meat. What to do?? We can't just have potato salad and rum for dinner!! We aren't Pirates!! So we do the only thing we can do in this situation.

Live in Denial.

When you at first eat the pink meat you know what's in store for you. But it's a gamble everyone takes. And whilst you're eating it you're thinking one thing. Brain Parasites.

So I would like to bring you this song to teach people about what happens when you decide to eat raw chicken out of protest of being too lazy to go back and cook it properly..

Chicken Diarrhea and Parasites!
The Chicken Diarrhea and Parasites!
If you eat the raw chicken, your bowels will quicken.
With the Chicken Diarrhea and Parasites.

I also think it punitive to teach people the next lesson, is that if you eat raw chicken that has been marinating in Indian Spices this guy will come out..

HELLO I'M JOHNNY CASH.. CHICKEN


"And it Burns, Burns, Burns.. The Ring of Fire.. The Ring of Fire"

Educational Awareness.

1 comment:

Wood said...

My mum used to microwave the chicken if it wasn't cooked properly. We can learn a lot from Ann.