Monday, October 11, 2010

GREASE: aka: Fuck Kenickie

It is my dream of late, that Grease 3 will go into production with the original cast from the first movie. Mainly so I can see Jeff Conaway hobble around in his neck brace whilst his girlfriend Vicky (who will be written into the script) gives him drugs and beats him with his own walking frame. Then they sing jazzy 50's songs and drive an ambulance into the sky.

However, upon closer inspection of Grease, I have come to realise that Grease is nothing but a John Travolta Mugfest, and that Kenickie gets totally fucked over the whole movie - is it any wonder Kenickie ended up in Dr Drew's Rehab??

Let's revisit:

The first time we meet Kenickie, everyone is back from holidays and wants to catch up on what's been going on over the break, Kenicky has been lugging boxes over the summer and hence not hanging out on beaches making out with hot Australians. No one cares about Kenickies stupid job.

It is then established that both Kenickie and Zucco are the leaders of the gang, and everyone wants to sing a song about Danny's weekends at the beach.

TRIVIA: Jeff Conaway had to walk around slightly stooped to make John Travolta appear taller. I bet I know who was behind this!! John 'this movie is going to be all about me' Travolta!


Kenickie arrives at Bonfire with his new car that he spent all summer working in a shit job to pay for. They all call it a hunk of junk, even though - nobody else there drives. What a bunch of jerks.

Rizzo shimmys down the drainpipe - but sloppy seconds aren't Danny's style. He would rather walk off and masturbate.. however sloppy seconds are Kenickie's style, and he drives off with Rizzo and his trashheap car.

Whilst making out with Rizzo the slut in his piece of junk, we learn that Kenickie is a big virgin, having brought a rubber in the 7th grade and still not used it. Loser. That guy with the pocked face comes and smashes up his shit car a bit more, like it needed it?

The gang decides to fix Kenickies car and sing a song about it.

TRIVIA: The song 'Greased Lightning' is supposed to be sung by Jeff Conaway! However John Douchebag Travolta used his clout to have his character sing it, of course the director asked Jeff how he felt about it - and he refused, but eventually gave in (to John's incessant whining)

Now let's just stop and think for a moment if Kenickie had sung this song.... for one, I bet he wouldn't have spent the past 30 years addicted to drugs and feeling shit about the way his life turned out. The movie would have had a completely different tone and Jeff Conaway might have emerged a bigger talent than John Travolta.

Poor Kenickie, instead of singing this song he has to stand around with the rest of the plebs whilst Danny gets to ride down from the ceiling on an engine and run around with cling film, whilst Kenickie stands around like a jerk on the bonnet with nothing to do.

Moving on...

The gang goes out to the Diner.. Sandy and Danny have a perfect date. Kenicky has a milkshake thrown in his face.

It's the big school dance. Kenickie's going to have the hottest date there. At the dance, Rizzo is grinding all over the place with pockmark face who dented his car (injury) and then Danny the jerk steals his date and wins the dance off (insult)

Everyone's at the drive in. Rizzo thinks she's pregnant, Kenickie being the stand up guy says he'll help out, but Rizzo is a bitchy slut whose all "what makes you think this is yours??" Fail.

It's the big stake out at Thunder Road, Kenickies big moment, and of course he ends up with a serious head injury and Danny has to take over and win all the glory.

At graduation, Rizzo and Kenickie make up even though, there is no way he should go back to hanging around that skeezy skank. They probably end up in a sad marriage where he drinks all day and she has affairs, and they end up with a baby that looks like the next door neighbour and everyone pretends like nothing is wrong.

Poor Kenickie. John Travolta is flying around in a private jet and Jeff Conaway is dodging bottles thrown at his head by Vicky. Sometimes life just doesn't make sense.

Grease is the word. If the word is: fucked up.

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