I take pride in my cat parenting abilities. Lenny is my number one. Nothing will get in between the love that me and Lenny have for each other. Not too many blankets, not a heater, not a giant armpit.
I went a bit soft on him when he came to London, for one - I look at him and think "what the hell are you doing in London?? London?? you're here in London? how the hell did you get here??"
Well three days sitting in his own urine is how he got here, and I am sure he is none too pleased about this, and wouldn't want to be reminded, so to keep him happy, I put some more kibble in the bowl.
And more. And maybe a bit more. After all, he came a long way to get to London, he can have all the kibble in the world if it is his desire.
Except not anymore. Fatso.
I took Lenny to the vet and she took one look at him and said "OK so we'll be putting him on the obese food then"
Obese!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My cat is not obese!!!!!!!! I can't believe she thinks my cat is obese! He is Big Boned and Furry! Not Obese. OK maybe he has a gut overhang that muffin tops on his feet, but doesn't everybody?? Jeez. Lay off lady, you're no Elle Macpherson!!
I feel I have failed a parent. We all went home and sulked in front of the teev all weekend. I didn't know what to do?? should I cover all the mirrors so Lenny doesn't get low self-esteem? Lenny looked at me like he wanted to claw my eyes out when I got out the measuring cup and gave him 30g of shitty obese cat food.
It probably didn't help that we were calling him 'Brando' at the time.
Lenny has to lose 2.5 kilos to be at his ideal weight, and I would also like to lose 2.5 kilos to be an anorexic stick insect (bones are hot). So we are all going on a diet. And I also read that back in the BC days the Egyptians would shave their eyebrows off when their family cat died (being the heathen cat worshipers they were) so what we are going to do is shave some Vanilla Ice style waves into our brows as a sign of respect until he is down to his goal weight.