Monday, September 27, 2010


I have to be honest. I'm not really into Nicknames. I used to want to be into Nicknames, and when I first started highschool I figured now was the time to segue myself into awesomeness with a super cool nickname that would announce my superiority and coolness before I had even met a person in the flesh: ie - Werewolf, T-Bone, Tits McGee...

But the problem with nicknames is that somebody else usually comes up with the nickname for you. So when I went around introducing myself as 'ratty', it just didn't pan out the way I had hoped. For one - 'ratty' is a really shit nickname, and two, you can't give yourself a shit nickname and expect people to call you it. It's just not in setting with the whole nickname universe.

Nicknames usually come from an abbreviation of someones name, or from a monumental feat that one has undertaken and should never be forgotten. And unfortunately I don't have a nickname shortening name, and I have never done anything cool enough to warrant a feat of excellence nickname.

And now I find myself at 30 with the stupidest nickname ever.

Basically some guy has given me a new nickname, I will refer to this guy as 'not funny' even though he is generally very nice and approachable and polite and funny- but unfortunately this nickname overpowers all that niceness and I just want to staple my peeling off shin-skin to his face.

Essentially what happened was that we were all sitting around talking about nights that we have been out of control drunk and either accidentally shit our pants, or woken up in another city type of drunk.. well I had my own stories to add to this verbal one-up-manship of drunk stories, and I told the story of the time I got so totally shitfaced that when Mark came to pick me up because I was too incoherent and disgusting to catch a cab, and I proceeded to spew Noodles (from lunch) all down the sides of the car with my head hanging out the window like a rare breed of spew dog going over the harbour bridge at 10.30pm on a wednesday night.

Then the emails start with: "Hi Noodles!", and then ringing up "Morning Noodles!"

Yeh. I don't think so.. Not Funny.

It is only acceptable to give someone a nickname based on a drunken spew mess event if you were there to witness this in the first hand, second hand spew stories can not be used to come up with affectionate work nicknames.

I hate being called "noodles".

Ratty is not happy.


The Chantal said...

lol have ppl actually shat themselves coz they were drunk??? like in Trainspotting...

awww I think Noodles is a cute nickname :)

Wood said...

Again, we are the same person.

1. Tried introducing nicknames all through high school. And nothing. Now I have a nickname I don't like purely because it was catchy with the person's name who I work with.

2. I am peeling. I've left skin in the bed and on the floor.

Watch out, if we really are the same person, you either already have or will get a cold in the next couple of days....