Monday, August 23, 2010

Reasons why I didn't vote

When I moved overseas I decided I would take myself off the Electoral Roll. My reason for doing so was that I am useless at remembering to vote when I'm in the country, let alone 200,000 miles away and the last thing I want is a $2000 fine when I get back.

I forgot to vote once, or maybe twice, then when I tried to get my License they told me I couldn't until I paid off my non-voting fines which was just a ballache, I don't even remember not voting, let alone paying some fucking douchey fine for not voting.

So when I moved really far away from Neutral Bay Primary School (my voting palace) I thought, fuck that shit! I'm not wasting thousands in fines, when I could waste thousands on expensive steaks and overpriced wines.

Anyway, suffice it to say, I didn't vote in this last election. But if I was there i'll tell you who I wouldn't be voting for:

Scary Poltergeist Man:

aka: Tony Abbot in about 15 years.

seriously. this man just creeps me out.
Don't come knockin on my door asking for my foetus babies!! that's no way to get votes you fool! His parents really should have opted for some surgery for him as a youngster to pin those ears back. It might make him slightly less unfortunate looking.

I don't vote for scary cult leaders who lead people into an underground vault and then starve them to death because the end is nigh. Which is exactly what he will do. Mark my words.

God is in his holy temple. Earthly Thoughts be silent now.
If you voted for the poltergeist guy don't come crying to me when your furniture is trying to kill you, little kimmy's been sucked into the demonic vaccum cleaner, and the tree is eating your dog. That's just what you get when you vote Liberal.

I didn't vote and my furniture is just fine. I missed out on the voting day sausage sizzle and 50c book fair, but at least I can answer the phone without worrying that my long lost dead grandmother is on the other end trying to steal my soul.

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