Saturday, June 19, 2010

The story of the poo

DISCLAMER:
This is a story about a poo.
If you don't like stories about poo.
Then this story is not for you.


Once upon a day a work, twas morningtime and my fellow workmates started floating in.. one of them CurryLover remarked how much curry he ate the night before, and that his belly was well full of curry, and that being the large curry eater that he is - would not be partaking in any further curries.

The rest of the morning passed uneventfully until Alanna came into the room and said "guess what I just peed on!!"

Well I don't know how to answer that.. could be a variety of things?? your hand?? a ruler?? two spiders humping?? be more specific. So she took us all into the toilet to point out the biggest log any of us had ever seen.

(I decided not to post pictures - but believe me - I have them and they are plentiful - but for now use your imagination to envisage a poo the size of a giant cucumber)


What is more - she flushed the toilet and did a post pee inspection and discovered the poo afterwards.. so that poo had to have been flushed twice and hadn't budged. I'm telling you it was a 10 Couric if ever I have seen one. Pretty soon everyone was coming down to view the spectacle of the giant poo exhibition..

and yet the poo remained.... 5 flushes later. in one piece. it was demon poo if ever i have come across.. yes my friends, the sea was rough that day.

Once we decided as a group that the poo was not of this world, the next step was to turn on each other to find out from whom the poop was born of. Obviously CurryLover was the first suspect, however he swore up and down that it wasn't him.. Alanna being the discoverer of the giant poo swore it wasn't her, and that no poo like that could come from a woman. No one would take responsibility for megapoo, and furthermore because megapoo wouldn't flush like a normal crap, someone had to go out and get a stick to poke at it to get it around the first bend.

To this day noone knows who did the megapoo. We all looked at each other with shifty side eyes for a period after that, having all bonded over the flushing toilet watching, and making outlandish assumptions on who brought megapoo into this world.... (suggestions for megapoo bearers: pregnant lady or someone into anal) it was awkward for awhile.

We decided the best course of action would be to blame someone who couldn't defend themselves and who wasn't here on that fateful morning when the poo changed all our lives. So as a group we pinned the blame on Andrew who is working out of one of the offices at the back of the building. So now whenever we are all gathered around and Andrew walks past we all look at each other knowingly.. knowing that we are safe in our justifications and that no one is going to pin the giant poo on us anytime soon.

6 comments:

Becky said...

I can't stop laughing at this 'megapoo' story.

Although I can't help you find the real culprit, I do support CurryLover's claim that it wasn't him as I'm sure you could have smelt it if it was! Blaming someone who can't defend themselves is probably the best course of action, it is usually the quiet ones who are to blame anyway. Unless it was you! Covering up your blame with this blog entry, hmm...

(I never thought that I would write such a long comment about poo...)

Wood said...

I have a picture of poo that could potentially beat your picture of poo.

It's pretty amazing. Again, done at work.

Rach said...

I challenge you to a duel!!!!!!! high sunset, with our pictures of Poo

Wood said...

I promise, mine will win. Get ready for defeat. Cry into your inferior filled bowl.

kiki said...

put it on ratemypoo.com

Scampi the Gnome said...

POO Fact: Take it from a mother who has experienced post birth constipation. Sometimes one has to take things to help the poo shute, it's called Movicol. Sometimes this makes leadweight poo. NO wait, everytime this makes leadweight poo. Took me buckets upon buckets at the same time as a flush to get rid of it. True story.