Monday, April 19, 2010

the first drawer is always the hardest.

Another great Myth of the Universe is that men are better at putting furniture together than their female counterparts. I strongly disagree - about 80% of our Ikea furniture (which could be assembled by a down syndrome monkey) was assembled by me.

Throw into the mix some actual hard to assemble furniture and we will see who truly shines in this sexist competition of furniture building. Last week I brought a dressing table - not from Ikea, but a self assemble non the less. The good thing about Ikea furniture is that they truly are the most simple things to assemble, not so of their self assemble cousins from other companies. Luckily however Mark was working late, and it was a friday, so I had 3 whole nights to put it together or die trying.

My task was to assemble: 2 x drawers (on wheelie brackets) and a table to put them in. Shouldn't be that hard right??!

It took me ONE HOUR to put together ONE DRAWER. One Drawer!!!!!! I still had about 50 other pieces to somehow put together and I was one drawer in. Although to be fair the first drawer is always the hardest.

I truly think they put their instructions manuals together as an in-joke at the factory just to fuck with you, because if I actually followed the instructions, my amazing dressing table would have all the screws in upside down, and the drawers would have to go in backwards. Stupid Instructions. In the bin you go!!!!!!!!! I would rather try to put this together with the deductive powers of the mind than fall into another one of your upside-down back-to-front traps.

4 hours later when mark came home I had two finished drawers and 2 sides with which to put them in, which was a monumental feat and I should have been given a parade for my effort. However - mark decides that I am too frustrated (read: he was frustrated) to put anything else together, so he completely takes over my venture and delegates me to cooking dinner!! cunt.

Meanwhile i'm browning onions and chopping garlic whilst he just stares at the planks of wood with a screwdriver in his hands. Oh thanks sooooooo much for your help mark, i could have stood around staring at the planks too, so I have to not only cook dinner (i am starving btw) and assemble the rest of the furniture with one hand as I had a cooking spatula in the other.

What is the lesson here??? Maybe don't come into the process of assembling a piece of furniture when the other person is 75% finished and try to take over if all you can do is stare into space. Not only did I finish putting everything together (single handed) I cooked dinner at the same time. I deserve a freaking medal!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh and did I mention that once the furniture was in place Mark had the nerve to get down on his knees and side-eye my drawer workmanship!!!!!!

This one was for all the wives our there (the Multi Tasking Wives). We need a Multi Tasking Wives Day - a day of parades and dinner cooked for us. Only then would life be fair.

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