Sunday, March 14, 2010

Excuse Me, Your Highness

One of good things about being a renter - when something breaks you call the landlord and they pay to fix everything. Since moving to our apartment I think we have called our landlord about.......... 150 times... my belief is that the previous tennant liked to swing around from the curtains, crank the central heating, slam drawers, and jump and down on the shelving units. Which would explain why everything broke within our first month.. it was like living in Chevy Chase' the Funny Farm.

But still no matter what ridiculous thing was broken now, our landlord always organised someone to come over and fix it, so it really doesn't grate on you that much because it's not like I am the one shelling out all this money for the broke shit.

I have in the past mentioned that my office has a smelly cupboard - this is where Satan dwells. Sometimes the smell is just a lingering stench, othertimes it's like the coming of the anti-christ. I'm not one to put up with the smell of poo for days on end, so I have been looking into getting to the crux of the problem fixed.

Our office is a heritage listed building - owned by the Crown's Estate - so basically at the end of the day, The Queen is my landlord.

Your Majesty,

I am writing in regards to our really smelly cupboard. I think we need a plumber sent out to look into this vent of evil-ness. I'm sure being The Queen, you can understand my situation. You must live in a world where a band of hired dwarfs hide in the small spaces with bunches of roses to scent the air to your delectable tastes. I on the other hand, am living in a world where I need a poisonous gas mask if I need to get a lever arch file out of the cupboard.

I'm pretty sure I read somewhere that being The Queen puts you in good standing with The Lord, so if you could maybe give him a shout and if in fact he hasn't heard of The Fallen One in a while - the smelly vent would be my first place to send a search team. Will I get a finders fee?

Anyway - please sort out the stench.

Your Humble Rent Payer
xxx



I expect she'll be showing up in a few days in overalls with a diamond encrusted plunger.

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