Friday, February 12, 2010

Serial Killers on the Tube

I think I have a pretty keen eye for serial killers. I read enough serial killer biogs and can't resist a good documentary about some freako who kept some girls in a cellar for 15 years. Creeps. I think this constant vigilance to the ways of the serial killer has given me some sensory preceptors that allow to me to spot one a mile away.

Take for instance the serial killer who sat next to me on the tube today.

Nothing says 'likes to wear women's skin around for fun' like a creep with bad hair, beardrash, and bad breath who breathes loudly through his mouth and smells weird, and is wearing an army windbreaker.

My biggest pet peeve is people who breathe loudly through their mouth and exhale all over you in confined spaces. You have nostrils?!? ever thought of using them??? lazy mother fuckers.

I can just imagine this windbreaker creep tying me up in his drippy grey basement completely devoid of any light or fresh air, making myself aware of his appearance by hearing his loud breathing, whilst he touches himself in the dark and wipes his jizz on the walls.. Gross.

If I was ever on a Jury for a trial involving a multiple murderer, all you'd need to do is put me in a small room with him and if I can hear him breathing loudly, its the death penalty for you.

Or maybe that guy just chose the wrong day to wear his army windbreaker on the tube and breathe his morning breath all over me.



kiki said...

did he have dimples?

if they have dimples than they aren't a serial killer


Anonymous said...

so are you outting PSH as a serial killer?

Rach said...

luckily for PSH he doesnt have dimples.

Steph said...

All mouth breathers should be sent to jail regardless of serial killer status.
This one guy on the train nearly made me vomit. His breath was a mixture of rotten eggs, grog bog farts and cigarettes. I've never wanted to stab someone more in my entire life.

Kimberly said...

I disagree about the breathing through the mouth thing. What if HE is congested or something? You forgot out of date glasses, coke bottle lensed and loner fingernails on a man than normal.

Anonymous said...

and definately if his eyebrows look like one long catipillar - never trust a man whose eyebrows meet!

Marie said...

perfect, moved to Ldn 3 weeks ago and thanks to this I now know what to avoid on the tube! Maybe I'll live to 30 after all!

Although... I always avoid people who breathe loudly since it just makes me wanna barf so at least got that one covered. These people should get their oyster cards revoked.