Friday, February 05, 2010

Halitosis on Wheels

There's just something about stench. nothing makes you ponder things in such detail as Stench.

Where I work - there is a stinky cupboard, whatever genius designed the building (and back in the day it probably was genius due to the fact this is a heritage listed building - it was a Riding School) so these days we have this smelly vent, that is now housed in a cupboard - which we put all the ugly things we don't want clients and directors to see (broken PC's, bags of costumes) but this vent is just wrong.

You walk past the smelly cupboard sometimes and it smells like a horse took a shit 800 years ago. Or someone took a shit 5 seconds ago.. either or. The point is - this wrongo vent oozes stench which builds up over time and knocks you out if you go near the cupboard.

Essentially I just stay away from the the cupboard.......... however... the coat rack is right outside the cupboard, so when I got in of a morning I would hang my jacket up and forget about it till the end of the day..

When I was walking home though I started to think I had trodden in shit along the way, and no amount of examining my foot could reveal any ounce of crap... from whence was the stench coming from???

Then I realised that DUH! the smelly cupboard is permeating through my fibres and leaving it's smelly mark on me - so I moved my jacket to the other end of the room and now I smell a little less.

However when I was getting on the tube to go home of an evening I was still getting a huge waft of stench.. I've moved my jacket away from Smelly Land.. I didn't stand in any crap on the street, I haven't crapped my pants - FROM WHENCE IS THE STENCH COMING!!!!!!!!!!

That's when I realised that people on the tube stink. It is like a concentrated metal tube of Halitosis. Rather than catching the Hammersmith and City line home - they should call it the Halitosis and Crap line.

Stench! Stench Everywhere!!!!!!

I just need to invent something where I can carry around my smelly candles at all time. mmmmmmmmm. Then I will go on Dragons Den.



brownhairblueribbon said...

Hello. Is the stench due to lack of Lenman?
Glad you love London so, sorry about the smell. Thank you for still writing things that make me laugh a lot.

Rach said...

Yes!!! no lenman = stinktown


You make up for it though, being one cool city

blokeman said...

You always had an overactive sense of smell though...FFS you could smell a dirty crotch on the bus hahahaha