Monday, January 04, 2010

Let's hunt for Treasure

You are never at a loss of Museums and Galleries to look at and learn things when in London, over this Christmas Holiday Break I have been around: The Tate Modern, The British Museum, the Museum of Natural History..... and you know what I have learned....

People will take a photo of anything that is behind a barrier. Seriously, can't you just appreciate the stuff in the museum by looking at it with just your simple corneas?? I miss the 80's. It was a simpler time. Peeps would just wander around Museums looking bored, dressed in brown pants and eating overpriced hot chips and vinegar and everyone was happy. Sure we would line up for 2 hours to see some dinosaur bones but at least we were appreciating the whole experience.

I swear I don't think half the people in the British Museum actually realised where they were... well sure I could look at in detail and read the plaque about this misappropriated artifact (imo) OR I could stand around taking a million cool photos to bore the shit out of people when I get back home. If there is one thing more boring than being in the Museum, it's having look at some jerk's facebook album about every single artifact they photographed in the museum..

"now check out this bowl!!!!"
"neato.. what era did that come from?"
"ummmmmmmmm... dunno, but check out the cool reflection of me on the rim as it bounces off the protector glass"
"sweet man." puts gun to head.

Pfffffffft.

I really wish I had something of value to offer a museum though, who wouldn't?? besides the Egyptians - who let's face it, put a curse on the 20th century for stupid white explorers who totally raped their entire culture to put on display and sell off to the highest bidder. I truly hope those myths about murderous scarab beetles are a fact.

I think museum treasure is only fair game if you accidentally stumble across it in your backyard and you didn't steal some magical tribal burial head-dress and put it under some heinous fluorescent lighting for yappy tourists to photograph to death.

Which brings me to this guy.... the guy who found the Staffordshire Gold Hoard.

I thought that by now we would have found all the treasure that is out there. We've drained the Thames, we've sacrilegiously probed every ounce of the Pyramids.. how else are you supposed to find treasure these days??

With a fricken metal detector that's how. I always wanted a metal detector. I would have spent hours at the beach finding $2 coins, and crappy watch bands.. but it would have been enough for me. This guy goes around for 18 years (which by now you'd kinda hope he'd found more than just some brass teapots thrown in a ditch) with his metal detector, invoking his magical phrase:

"I have this phrase that I say sometimes; 'spirits of yesteryear take me where the coins appear', but on that day I changed coins to gold,"

Wow. It that all it takes? 18 years and some magic words? sheesh. give me time and I will have conquered all my dreams by the time I'm 50.

1 comment:

Epskee said...

Ho won earth did he not get bored after 18 years? And why didnt he think to switch up his magic words before now?

I always wonder why people are so busy taking photos they dont stop to appreciate whats right in front of them. I love museums, the sense of wonder and awe, and of yourself being so totally freaking insignificant when you think about it (and museums are for thinking)

I do wonder though how the people these things I'm looking at would feel if they knew tht in a few hundred/thousand years the people would be gawking at their shit?

As for egypt, the "mummy parties" were enough to show me that people, as a whole, have no respect. Although when that huge exhibition came to Oz many moons ago, I am so glad that for once my mother was the "wild child" and made her daughters all reach beyond that velvet rope and touch stuff. In particular, I remember the great stone sarcphygus - in the huge cold museum, the stone was warm. It was the most amazing thing, and I totally understood what it must feel like to discover this stuff yourself.

Even if you did break into some important-dude's grave to find it.