Thursday, September 10, 2009

Leather Apron: aka gheyest Ripper Name Yet

On our last night in London, we decided being the gangstas that we are that we would go out in style, do something really London.. so booked a Jack the Ripper Tour, then would go for a curry in Brick Lane.

Well we did the curry, but we walked out of the Tour.

So disappointing. You would think being Jack the Ripper, that the tour would have a lot to work with, gory photos, interesting stories, spooky locations, but the tour went down like this:

Standing in Carpark: "we're gonna go to some real good places, but I cant take you to that place cos the guy tells me fuck off every time I stand under his window"

Standing on the Street: "this is where some building used to be (brings out laminates) but its not here anymore"

Standing on another Street: "this building is where a victim was last seen alive! ofcourse its not really this building, as that was knocked down years ago.. but here is a laminate"

Talking about The Ripper: "who here has seen From Hell with Johnny Depp?? Who here likes Johnny Depp?? well Johnny Depp had a beer in that pub whilst filming From Hell..."

Rightio, well as much as I am a huge Johnny Depp fan, I fail to see how where he drank a beer as an important part of Jack the Ripper History.

So in the end, when my friends eyes were rolling into the back of her head, we decided to ditch the group and get some Curry and Fruli's.

Coincidentally we did go to the pub where a) johnny depp had a beer, and b) the victims of the ripper were known to get drunk. (It's weird being in a pub that was built before Australia was discovered) and I went down to the dungeonesque bathrooms and took a photo, and I have captured some Orbs.

Upper Right Hand Corner Orb: ripper victim

I should totally have my own Ripper Tour. You can pay me in Chilango's and Frulis.

The annoying thing about the Ripper Tour would be that you have no closure at the end. Noone knows who it was or why he did it or what happened to the Ripper when he stopped Ripping, so here is what I would end my tour with.

As you know the Ripper Murders only spanned a few months during the terminal year of 1888, from August - November, why did the murders stop then and so abruptly when the Ripper was clearly honing his ripping craft and enjoying his dark ways ??... now it is my theory that Jack the Ripper was caught on some petty theft bread stealing charge.. and shipped off to Australia. So there you have it, Australia - land of killer drop bears, ocean stingers, convict criminals, and a sucessive Jack the Ripper bloodline..

You can leave your tips in the hat.

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