Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Horrible Man

You know when you board a plane and you're thinking "please I don't want to sit next to the freak"

There are different types of people that you don't want to be stuck next to on the plane:

The Screaming Baby: Not technically the baby's fault, but it's no fun for anyone - the mother included.

The Alcoholic: who falls asleep on you and makes you drunk by proxy by breathing in the fumes that waft off them

Planes generally aren't the most amazing place to be, horrible air conditioning, crampy seating, armrest wars.. but we put up with it - cos how else are we supposed to travel the world??

When we checked in for our flight we found at that we were separated?? which is really dumb being that we booked our tickets together and we are married. In what world does that mean they would give us separate seats.. however we decided we would just sweet talk the person sitting in between us and make them see the sense in letting us be together, otherwise that flight would have been real uncomfortable for that person with us leaning all over them and passing Jaffa's back and forth.

So we boarded the plane and made evaluations of every person who walked our way - weather or not we would be happy with them sitting next to us for 23 hours... there were plenty of nice looking 20 year olds to choose from. I need not tell you that my heart leapt out of my throat when we saw Horrible Man meandering towards us.

Please not him. Please not him.

Of course it's him and he sits down right next to us.. arghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

Horrible Man was just Horrible. He clearly hung out in some seedy RSL every day of his life smoking 30 packs of cigarettes and downing the drinks. Bulbous Nose. Socially Inept. Boundary Issues.

Horrible Man didn't speak English, as far as we could tell. He spoke fluent Horrible, which is akin to something an Orc would speak "arrghhhh yaahhhhh aahhhh arghhhhhh ehhhh" (translated: who knows? but he did Orc speak at us during our meals when he decided we were done and wanted to grab food off our trays)

So So So Gross.

However - Horrible Man, didn't limit his horribleness to just us. He had issues with the Sleepy Man putting his chair back to sleep - and behaved like a 5 year old by kicking the seat, kneeing the seat, and practically punching the seat to get his point across. Sleepy Man and Horrible Man got into an altercation (obviously) and Horrible Man was thankfully moved to another part of the plane.

Horrible Man was horrible to the ladies he was moved next to (he was not happy) then when we boarded to do our second leg of the trip he was Horrible to everyone around him, so that he was eventually sitting alone because no one wanted to be near this douche. Wow.

The crazy part is, that Horrible Man is such a douchey illiterate knob, that he wasn't even supposed to be sitting next to us in the first place!!!!!!!!!!!! He just got to our row and sat down!! So we had 4 hours of Horrible Man that we didn't have to put up with in the first place.

Damn You Horrible Man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But Yay. London.


4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Maybe next time i'll act horrible so that I get separated from the rest of the people on the flight!

Begone armrest & let the two seat curl begin.

( . )( . ) said...

I always get stuck next to chatty old ladies on the red eye who cant sleep. STFU old lady. Have some dolased and leave me alone.

Total Yay for london!!!

Anonymous said...

what! that's awful. so did you have 3 seats to your self then and could streeetch out.
i hope you weren't near the toilets as well.

unique_stephen said...

I was put next to a tween kid once. had her iPod turned up playing loud crap rap for the long hall to the US