Wednesday, July 01, 2009

We're Number One!!!... well almost

so, in the family I married into, there are 3 brothers. I bagged the middle brother (who is rife with middle child issues.. but that's ok - cos that balances out my only child issues so its a good match)

Anyway, we have always been Number 3 in the rank of things, which kind of sucks, but you get used to it. Proof of our Number 3-ness.

The Number One's were the golden children - because they had babies. My mother in law is baby crazy, like would probably steal a kid from a park if she thought she could get away with it. The Number One's had two baby boys, moved into a house, and lived a very wholesome life; church, baby showers, petting zoos, christenings..... the whole nine yards of a wholesome god-fearing family that have angel wings. The Number One brother can build things, like decks, out of wood. Mark can't even put a freedom furniture wardrobe together without having an aneurysm. In the words of Juno "they were golden.. man"

The Number Twos were the second runners up in the wholesome family stakes; the wife came with a 7 year old, then they procreated their own, brought a house, had family cook-offs, church goers, and lived the happy family life out with the Number Ones in wholesome suburbia. Although the brothers wife is kinda Iraqi or something, so they get put in Number Two position just because you can't trust those crazy Iraqis.. "ooh happy birthday, here is your bomb cake.." ***does shifty eyes***

So that leaves us in the position of Number 3. It's not so bad being number 3 - I mean you might get the worst Christmas presents out of the group ie: "iPods all round, except for you number threes, here is an old fondue maker that's been on top of the fridge for 15 years.." But at least people don't expect much from you. We don't have babies, we don't own a place, we don't go to church, we don't know our nieces and nephews birthdays, but its ok, we are the deadbeats but we are already number 3 so we can't go any further down the lineage.

But we can go UP!!

The Number One's have been pushed off their pedestal!!!!!! Obviously the Number Two's are moving up a notch, but that means so do we!!!!!!! Yesssss. That means now we will get an inheritance... people will be interested in our stories when we tell them we are going to Europe rather than going on a family holiday to Warner Bros Movie World, marks mum wont look at me with disgust and disdain in her eyes when she sees my empty and superfluous womb. No more fondue cookers!

Shame that our ascension has to come on the tails of a nasty divorce, but it feels good up here being Number 2. The people look like ants. Now I can only hope that the New Number Ones take a trip to Iraq and the brother is held hostage like in that Sally Field movie Not Without My Daughter and has to escape by Camel and kill it and drink the fluid from its belly and hide out in its gut in a sandstorm. (I might not have a kid or go to church, but you can learn a lot from watching Man vs Wild)

Then we will be Number One!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2 comments:

Nina said...

Haha nothing like schadenfreude

Sarah said...

Lololol for a second I thought you were going to announce you were pregnant with quadruplets or something... waiting for someone else to get divorced sounds a hell of a lot easier!