Sunday, June 07, 2009

Termy the Terminator

Today I saw Terminator Salvation and it was fucking Orcsome.. (to be explained) If you haven't seen Teminator and don't want to know stuff - stop reading!!!!!

Dah Dah Dah Dah Dah... Dah Dah Dah Dah....

I have always loved the Terminator Series. Terminator 2 came out when I was 12 and I fell instantly in love with Edward Furlong - and since then I have always had a soft spot in my heart for the survival of John Connor.

Terminator 3 - the one with the lady terminator and geriatric T-800 Arnold was shizen. Mega-Shizen. I like to pretend that this movie doesn't exist and Terminator Salvation is where the story picks up after Soft-Hearted Arnie goes for a never-ending swim in the molten metal at the factory at the end of Termy 2.

BEGIN TERMY 4
(duh duh duh duh duh... duh duh duh duh duh

Action Action Action and Special Effects. Sooooo Cool. I love seeing Terminators blows shit up and step on peoples skulls. I came for skull steppage and skull steppage I shall get.

Now - the Termy in this one is played by Australian actor Sam Worthington, who graduated from NIDA in 1998 - his fellow graduates included; Matthew Newton, actors who went onto roles in McLeods Daughters and Play School, and about 20 other rejects who never amounted to anything.. here we have a yardstick of success to judge by; Sam Worthinton = Terminator. Matt Newton = dicky drug dealer with a bad comb over. Go to the front of the class Sam.

(here is some insider information - Sam Worthington's Australian Agent Shanahans, didn't get any commission whatsoever off the Terminator paycheck..which would have been in the double digit millions.. ha ha! that's what you get for being a bunch of dicks - but seriously -if anyone who works there reads this, I would love to work there - peace bro)

Sam is Orcsome (ie: lord of the rings - ORC) when we first see Sam in his Terminator mode, he is wandering around in a haze covered in all sorts of mud and crap, completely disorientated and grunting - very Orc-ish.. perhaps Skynet gives birth to Terminators from a giant tree underground?? such a LOTR rip-off in that case... but this movie is all about rip-offs or homage - if you want to get all French on the subject.

First of all there is a bunch of dicks in a submarine - who represent the United Colours of Benetton - you got your Russian, your White guy, your old Korean Warlord, the Black Commander - they are a bunch of twats who won't listen to John Connor **swoon** so they die. Eat shit submarine hacks.

There is the Hot Asian Kung Fu Ninja - who is bad ass (as they are) but also has a heart of gold, unlike the Hot Asian Kung Fu Ninjas of Mission Impossible III and Die Hard 4.0.. I like that McG brought the ball breaking bitch a bit of depth this time around.

Then there is Kyle Reece (Johns Dad). The whole Terminator universe is a complete time paradox (mind-fuck). It's a never ending game of cat and mouse with the future - which apparently can be changed at anytime - by going into the past. However is this the past? right now? or is the future the past? either way all you need is a naked portal to change anything you want. Jokes on you skynet. But the whole Kyle Reece/Sarah Connor/John Connor sexual triangle really strains my eyebrows in it's suspension of disbelief.

Kyle Reece is played by the idiot pot-smoking kid who gets his ass murdered in Alpha Dog by Justin Timberlake, so it's hard to believe that this schmuck could be the glorious action superstar John Connors dad?? plus he's about 17. Damn You Time Paradox!!

Reece's Pieces also has this little black kid who doesn't speak and gets freaked out all the time.. ahh Newt anyone?? Aliens?? kid who lives in an air conditioning shaft and survives the aliens.. why do futuristic movies about killer anomalies need mute children?? her only super-power is sensing terminators by being even more quiet and still. Maybe we'll get lucky and she will either speak.. or die.. in the next one.

The good thing about Terminator Salvation, is that it kept with the timeline continuum of Terminator 2 - John Connors scratched up face, Reeces Pieces carrying a shotgun, and lots of cute little homages to T2 fans - including, superb use of Guns & Roses 'you could be mine' in a motorcycle chase, a truck chasing a motorcycle, molten lava (hot) and air (cold) being used to wreck terminators, and lots of industrial stair cases and metal framework to fight in.

McG even managed to get 1980's Arnold Schwarzenegger Terminator into the movie, god bless CGI.. and all the cool catchphrases like "i'll be back.." "i'll live" and "no fate but what we make" are all brought back.. ahhhhh its a like a really violent and metallic family reunion where everyone gets shot in the face. Heartwarming.

Now - haters aside, who will bitch and moan about plot holes and dippy dialogue and wooden acting.. who gives a %!$# its Terminator people!! Destruction!!! And learning that Terminators can cry.

The Hot Asian Kung Fu Ninja even tries to Dry-Spoon-Fuck Sam Worthington on a cold sandy mountain (see post below) seriously - this movie has everything.

However one thing that was bugging me - is that every time Christian Bale came on screen I couldn't get this out of my head... It's fucking distracting.. OOoooh Good.. No No Fuck No. What don't you fucking understand? I'm gonna fucking kick your fucking ass. You are trashing my scene!!

Regardless of people wandering in and trashing Christian Bales scene - he was good. 'Skullcrushingly' good I'd say. A very worthy John Connor. I'd see this movie again. .

I'd give it 5/5 skulls to crush on the skull crushing rating machine.

2 comments:

suze2000 said...

Man I LOVE Terminator too.

Have you watched the Sarah Connor Chronicles? They are compelling, which I never thought I would say. Mind you, that show also requires a good deal of focus to follow what's going on, so it's no wonder it hasn't been renewed - most people don't have that focus nowadays (I certainly struggle with it - have to keep going back over bits etc).

Being an incredible geek, I went to a convention in London (to meet Buffy actress Eliza Dushku), and he was there. To be honest, he's a bit of a washup now, and wasn't getting much attention, so ended up standing in the middle of the largest queues smoking (indoors! Mind you, this was back when it was still allowed in pubs and such there. But still, no-one else was allowed to) and talking to the people who were queuing to meet Eliza and her brother from Tru Calling.

I won't read your movie synopsis in case I do manage to persuade hubby to go see it.

Jewels Diva said...

I only ever saw the second Terminator, about 4 times. I haven't seen the first, third or the tv series, and I'm not about to watch the new one. But for some reason, I quite liked number 2!