Sunday, May 17, 2009

Cairns.. Week 2

So, whilst I have nothing to do - I thought what better place to do nothing than in sunny Cairns in QLD. Apparently though - god had different plans so thwarted my attempts at being brown, so made clouds appear every day - now everytime a sunbeam appears I have to resist the urge to run outside naked and bask in cooking oil to get the maximum benefits.

Cairns would be a great place to raise kids I reckon - because lets face it if I had a kid back in Sydney the most exciting things we would get up to would be to walk outside the apartment building and collect the mail together.

Yet up in QLD there is a whole plethora of outdoor activities for one to enjoy: ie DIGGING A HOLE

To the layman - this would look like i'm just laying in a dirty disgusting puddle - I am actually lying in a Hot Spring. These so called 'hot springs' are about a 2 hour drive from Cairns (through a mystical hinterland) and right next to a truckstop.

So you pull up at the truckstop and the driver says "Ok - we're here" and you say "I'm not digging a hole at a truck stop" and then you burn your feet off as you wander down stream to find a good hole diggin opportunity.

The thing with Hot Springs, is that there is noone regulating the temperatures, so when you are new and stupid to the game - you stick your leg into a nice looking puddle and all your skin burns off because the water has been steaming nicely with a little help from a volcano and is about 100 degrees. (who needs feet? maybe i could get a disability pension??)

Once you stop being a moron though and start diggin it is very worthwhile and relaxing - and it is a well known fact that sitting in any warm body of water will burn excess calories right off! I think I need to perculate for about a week and half then I would be down to my goal weight - Dangerously Anorexic.

If being boiled alive isn't your thing - you could go to another magical place where you can molest the Wallaby's. Wallaby's are wayy better than your regular Kangaroos, for one - they are a lot smaller so its easier to envision stealing one in your handbag and keeping it at home in the laundry as a pet.

Another small drive out of Cairns will take you to Wallaby Mountain - where they lie around all day like lazy sods, until a busload of tourists arrive and feed them mountains of pellets. Unfortunately I had no pellets to offer, so they let me pat them for a minute, inspected my bag, then avoided me as I had nothing of use to offer (bitches)

Where I am living is right near a beach. The general consensus is that tropical north queensland is land of blue water and white sandy beaches. Yeah we have plenty of sand to go round - but unfortunately, if you want blue water you have to catch a ferry about an hour out to sea, as the water in this part of the world is brown. Brown Brown Brown. I don't mind - except when i'm swimming in it, and that small part of my brain which cant see the water around me thinks there is a giant crocodile or shark about to eat me, so I swim further in and sit in another brown murky puddle and dig myself a hole.

I have another week here, so I am going to bide my time wisely - by sitting in the hammock as much as possible, reading books about the Holocaust, and riding my pushbike around the block a million times (go bum muscles!)

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