You know when you're thinking up baby names for your yet - unborn, and un fertilised baby. And you are going through names in your head and you come across one in a book and you throw the book across the room because you can not stand to be around a particular name.
I have this issue. With the name AMY
I have massive residual anger at some bitchface called Amy whom I had a long standing hatred of since year 2. Therefore the name has been tainted and I will never be able to look at another Amy without immedately wanting to punch them in the face, and you can flat out forget about naming my baby Amy.
Amy was a cunt. A little blonde cunt. We met in the hallways of second grade and had an instant hatred of each other. Maybe it was primal? Perhaps we just oozed an undetectable stench perceptible only to the other, and our gut instinct was to beat the crap out of each other.
Amy was always telling me she was going to beat me up after school. So I was always mindful to run home as fast as I could. I hate running. However one afternoon I had enough of being terrorised by this fat ho, and stuck around for the showdown.
She pulled my hair. I pulled her hair. She kicked me. I kicked her. It was a very even fight with no clear winner, but after we released our pent up anger at each other - the fight was over.
But I still hated her.. and anyone else called Amy.
Then years later I was at a friends party - as she was turning 13, and look who shows up.. AMY. Die Bitch. Luckily for me, she was fatter, and more pigfaced than I remembered. She also was too poor to bring my friend a present and had to have a private chat with her to let her know (which I eavesdropped on) HA HA suck shit Amy. Take your povo fat blonde ass to whatever rock you crawled out from under and die die die. Victory to Me!! (c0s I can afford birthday presents, cheapskate hobag)
16 years later, and I still blanche and make a poo-face when I hear or see the word Amy. So there is no way in the world a kid of mine is ever going to have that name, or any friends of that name. Amy's of the world watch out.
Next up: Why I will never call my unborn daughter Laura and other misplaced residual anger stories.