Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Collection Plate Crap

When I resigned I thought it would be equal parts funny, and equal parts stupid to celebrate with a resignation party. I mean its the recession, people are losing jobs all over the place, and I (the fool) just walk away from mine!! what a doofus! Let's get hammered!

So I sent out my invite, and I am celebrating my foolishness (but uber relaxedness) in May. On my invite I joked about sending a collection plate around, and I harked back to a time when I went to a party and they actually passed a collection plate around.

I was friends with these interesting people called "the stoogey stoogersons" they were ridiculously frugal. I was going to one of the stoogerson's birthdays (30+ birthday) in the city somewhere. Now any birthdays past the age of 15, you'd be hard-pressed to find anyone who buys you a birthday present. So I rocked up to the birthday drinks, spent money on food and alcohol, brought the birthday boy a drink, then as we're leaving the bar this happens:

Stoogey Stoogerson's Friend: "Ok, thanks for coming everyone, Stoogey really appreciates you all coming out, so if you could please put some money into the hat we'll be moving onto the next location"

Hat? Money? Are we paying for some sort of service?? is a stripper about to arrive or something? but No. apparently we were all contributing to the 'waterski' fund. Yeah I don't think so.

A birthday is not a fundraiser. I brought you a drink. In these twilight adult years, that should be more than enough. Perhaps you'll get lucky and recieve a card that when opened sings "tequila tequila tequila". But forget about the collection hat.

So when I sent out a note about a collection fund at my resignation party, I thought I could actually be a mega cunt and hand one around. OR I could wear a non-existant skirt and have them stick bills in my garter... either one is good.

Actually i'm more anxious about what I will say when people ask me 'so why did you resign?' as I will have to answer in a very grown up, non-defamatory way, so I think i'lll go with this:

"because my boss yelled at me when I didn't tell her about a client's in-grown toenail" (true story)

I think thats reason enough to leave anywhere.

1 comment:

K-Spice said...

Just came across your blog by some strange wonder of the universe.

And I love it.

Thanks for making my day!