Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Skillz to pay the Billz

Let's face it, these days I probably couldn't get a job baggin groceries. That's high end. You're in charge of money, have to do maths, have to use an 'eftpos' machine, have to co-ordinate muted green tones of clothing...

I just don't think they'd hire me.

I don't know who would hire me these days. These 'recession days'. Even the back-up places don't exist anymore. "hey I could work in a cd store like in high fidelity!" EGHH! sorry, those shops are all closed down.

I just don't know where a person with my skills fits in these days?? In no particular order this is what I have to offer the world:

* The ability to type really quickly and fairly accurately without looking at my fingers
* Being able to lip synch almost perfectly to pretty much any song from the 90's
* Enjoys alphatbetising and filing things for hours on end
* Can multitask: talk on phone, type email, peruse 'cute overload' and roll my eyes at my superiors at the same time.
*Ability to turn almost any conversation into a sexual innuendo
* Can recite the first 10 minutes of 'Terminator 2' verbatim
* Can recite most Simpsons episodes
*excellent personal hygiene
*has a degree in communications so am able to converse for hours over the "empirico-transcendental doublet"
*can figure out how to catch public transport of all varieties in all cities to get to where you're going
*firm knowledge of america's prison system (after logging hours of CI on foxtel)
*can usually come up with a rhyme fairly easily, if a last minute rap song is needed

Who wants to pay me for that??!

Anybody??

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

you'd make a great vice president.