Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Reasons why I was hungry today

out of all the reasons to eat out there, lunchtime is really the pits. its so fucking awkward. ooooh work work work.. 5 hours later.. oh right! now I have to come up with some way of hunting and gathering some food! and furthermore, I should fill an hour with some sort of non-work related activity to take full potential of my lunch-hour.

I hate it

there's too much pressure

too much pressure to find food. too much pressure to have a good time, too much pressure to fulfil your hourly lunchbreak with something worthwhile, so you come back into the office 'refreshed' and ready to hit another 5 hours with a passionate glee in your eye.

well I tell you what matey! it's not happening. ok!

I've always had a problem with lunch. all the horrible things that happened to me as a child happened at lunchtime. first up - when you're in primary school, where you'd get a 'tuck-shop' lunch, and your mum would write some lunch order on a bag and you'd pick up your lunch and everything would go smoothly.. not fucking likely - if you happen to be me!!

first up - my lunch order was always some hideous 'salad sandwich'.. i'm 6 years old. I don't want a goddam salad sandwhich.. I dont care if its healthy.. being healthy doesn't matter to my formative brain - fitting in is what matters, and none of the cool kids are being forced to eat rotten salad sandwhiches at lunch time.. so what did I do?? I did the only thing my 6 year old mind could conjure... I hid that shit in my desk.

and it festered there. for months.. festering away.. till one day we had a school desk clean up and OH NO! look what they found in rachel's desk... a shitload of rotten salad sandwhiches.. they thought I had an eating disorder. at SIX YEARS OLD!!! there is no such thing as an anorexic primary schooler you fags... suffice to say - they didn't trust me to eat lunch on my own, so rather than asking me what I would have prefered to eat (like every other normal kid - ie: ham sandwhich/sausage roll/meat pie) I had to have a supervised lunch hour where the teacher would sit and make me eat my hated and dispised horrid salad sandwhich. It did nothing to aid in my ambitious campaign of fitting in, and I left that school the no-friend loser I had been when I first started.

bowm bowm on you lunchtime

These days I still hate lunch.. I try my hardest to source fun things to eat, but I really just don't care. lunch is not a meal I take pride in. If I could get a space-pill that would give me all the nutrients I needed, I'd sign up for that in a second.

Today however, I decided I would go to vinnies during my lunchbreak, to browse around at other peoples discarded crap, as this fills me with a sense of calm and belonging. everybody has crap. come buy my crap.

I found 3 shitty shirts that I thought I ought to buy. then on my to the sandwhich shop I realised I spent all my lunch money on $3 shirts.. oh fuck. no lunch today.

the truth is - I could have walked back to the shop once I got back to the office to retrieve more funds, but honestly.. i was wearing really uncomfortable shoes and it was too much of an effort.

so you see - that is why i'm starving. that is why I ate the grapes I had left in the fridge from 3 days ago. that is why I ordered a giant meal, a cheese platter and a pretzel for dinner. because lunchtime does my head in. something weird always happens.

still - being too stupid to buy lunch is a good way of staying skinny, and we all know that it's being skinny that counts in this crazy crazy world.

2 comments:

non-Blondie said...

oh my god, i cannot believe almost the exact same thing happened to me...oh and then there was this custody battle family drama which meant i had the honour of staying in the library to 'help out' at recess and lunch. fucking parents, what are they good for?

Anonymous said...

you did have an eating disorder and you still have one.