Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Jizz Detectives

This morning on my way to work, I went to the bus-stop, but wait! what is that?? my bus-stop is gone because a BOMB WENT OFF!?!!$@@#!

fucking awesome.

Sydney has had a recent spate of ATM bombings where bank robbers blow the bank up and steal the whole ATM and make off with a few hundred thousand dollars. They have no clue whatsoever about who is committing these crimes.

I have to say, I was a little disappointed that the robbers have come over the bridge to the north shore. we dont take kindly to bank robbers roun' here. plus they are totally stepping on the North Side Bags territory. they'll get a bag of oranges at the back of the head from one of us soon if they don't watch out.

I saw a forensic team and loads of cops going through the debris looking for clues. I hope the forensic team brought their magic jizz finding machine, so they can match the jizz DNA to someone later down the track. However in order for this plan to work you'd have to hope that the robbers engaged in a group masterbatory session, and then blew the bank up.. this seems highly likely in my opinion.

Why don't they just track recent purchases of balaclavas?? who is buying balaclavas besides bank robbers and rapists these days anyway? do we sydneysiders live in the fucking Andes Mountains? no? we dont?? then we dont need no dodgy shops selling balaclavas to criminals.

Stop the Balaclavas. Stop the Crime.

I'm running for Mayor.

Who's with me???!!

3 comments:

Epskee said...

At the beginning of this phenomenon I knew who it was, it was my boyfriend! I swear every suburb they attacked was one he lived in, worked in, had family in or visited often.

But he doesn't wear balaclavas, and hasn't bought me anything purdy in a while, so maybe it isn't him.

Damn. Id love to see him with an orange to the back of the head sometimes.

Dash said...

i can perfectly picture that bag of oranges dropping a guy just minding his own business while wearing a balaclava at a bus stop. funny as.

a bomb at your bus stop though? that is totally not cool.

Dash said...

how to people come up with these plans though?

"Hey Reg, I've jhust had an awesome idea... let's make a bomb that can blow up an ATM and then we'll steal it".

"You know what Ron? That might just work..."