Monday, February 16, 2009

How Stars Wars should have been

I like to pretend that those bad Star Wars movies don't exist. Not that I am even a star wars fan per se, but Attack of the Clones is the only movie I have ever walked out on. watching Parliament Hour on ABC would be more riveting than that garbage... anyway.. I had a dream.. a cheese dream and FYI George Lucas this would have been much more entertaining.

We open in the Senate, there are two powerhouse's. Two all powerful families, and they arrange their children Anakin & Padme to be married off and be all rich and powerful.

Years later they have an arranged marrige, but OH NO! Anakin has erectile dysfunction.

What to do? Anakin and Padme don't really like each other anyway, so rather than work through his floppy problem, Padme gets a sperm donor and gets pregnant.

But UH OH! its a girl.. and she's black. Oops.

The one thing the senate don't need right now is a black girl child running around ruining everything..

So they send her off to a far distant planet to rid themselves of the evidence.

But then Anakin gets a boner!!

And Padme is totally into it.

So finaaaaallllly they make sweet sweet love, and Padme gets pregnant again, this time with twins.. The Senate is a bit "oooh maybe we should go get that other kid incase problems arrive for us later down the track" but they can't find her.. so they use their magic time portal machine that speeds things up 6 years to see if they can find her in the future. They can't.

The senate decides then to seperate Luke and Leia and send them to opposite ends of the universe, so they never find out about their half-sister and the mess they made.

But that black girl has powers. The force.

and thats it.

Get a block of cheese George Lucas. Get a block of cheese before bed.

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