Thursday, January 15, 2009

War of the Roses..a pain in the ass.

Last night I went to Opening Night of 'War of the Roses' and no they haven't adapted that Kathleen Turner/Michael Douglas movie for the stage. War of the Roses is an 8 hour Epic of 4 Shakespeare plays, spanning 100 years of historical bloodshed between two royal houses.

8 hours. Yes that's right 8 hours. In one sitting. Wtf?! what masochist thought this up. My ass felt like it had been injected with Novocain. Plus I generally peak at 90 minutes of theatre before my ADD brain zones out.

But seriously. 8 hours?? I struggled through the first half. Its so hard to follow Shakespeare on stage as it is, and then to have it all weirded out and in some non-conventional setting and crazy hip hop music.. I really didn’t know what the fuck was going on.

Part II begins and this was even more confusing than the first half, It was all about Richard III, and it was all historial Shakespeare madness talk. They had this stuff floating down like snow so that was kinda cool.. For an hour. I was dying. I was praying for it to end. I did butt crunches in my seat for the last hour and a half. Plus they had these annoying kids in the second half and for some reason people seem to think little kids on stage are heartwarming or something? Yeah no.

'War of the Roses' marks the final performance by the Actors Company through the Sydney Theatre Company, so this final mainstage production was always going to be megalomaniac. They did however use Cate Blanchett as a ploy to try and make you forget that you are sitting through 8 hours of incomprehensible Shakespeare talk, which wears thin after the first 20 minutes. Even with Cate 'the best actress in the world' Blanchett.

I don't dislike Shakespeare, but I would prefer to read it, or watch a Baz Luhrman dumbed down version. Basically I want to see Michael Bay do Shakespeare, less talk, more cars exploding. I'm a commercial hack.

After the show was finished, and I was about 5 years older and had formed a close relationship with god through prayer "please please please let this be over!!" so I went to the after party.

Lucky there were lots of credible celebrities there to take the edge off (read: no fucking home and away losers or reality television skanks) Joel Edgerton, Robyn McLeavy, Brendan Cowell, Hugo Weaving, Dan Wyllie (I had to resist temptation to go up to him again) Cate Blanchett, and zillions of others, at this stage I was too tired to care, and didn't even partake in the free champagne. I just wanted to go home and drown out the ye olde speak running through my head, plus I didn't trust myself not to say something offensive to someone about the show, as the best I could come up with when asked for my opinion was "interesting and abstract"

But I did pose for a few photos before I left and had a Serena van der Woodsen "shine" moment..Plus I think Matt Newton gave me sexy eyes, or maybe he was squinting in my direction??? Later today when I wake up I can google myself and see how hot I looked, as I did have on inappropriately tiny 'formal' shorts, 8 inch killer heels, and a sic fake tan I'd been working on all morning..... why the hell didn't Dan Wyllie come up to me???

xoxo Gossip Girl


Helen said...

I would love to go to an event like that! ALthough 8 hours in one sitting... that's a serious marathon! Particularly with the 'heavy' plays which typically need at least an hour or two to digest!

BurntCupcake said...

8 hours!! Did they supply snacks?

nat said...

wow. 8 hours of abstract Shakespeare by the Actors Company. That's like 45 'television hours' (the conversion is the same as dog years). The only thing i can compare it with was seeing a NYU stage adaptation of the tv series Full House set in 18th century England.

miss diarist said...

8 hours is ouchy. I don't care how hot they are.

Sarah said...

Matthew Newton was probably trying to see if you were an ex-girlfriend he needed to punch in the face. Douchebag. And I'm right with you on the little kids on stage thing.