Friday, January 09, 2009

Skillz for the Apocalypz

I often think about taking up pole dancing classes. Then I think of the explaining you'd have to do to people who would immediately assume you were a stripper/prostitute, and I forget the idea all together - that is until the thought of the apocalypse invades my dreams whilst I sleep and I wake up and start to think about cultivating some skills to get me through the broken society of a post-apocalyptic warzone.

Let's face it. I have no tangible skills to offer the world. I don't think the world of rubble is going to need 'Theatrical Agents' how many movies are we making in this shitty existance? and if noones going to see Theater now, then I think the chances are even less when half the population is blown to smithereeens.

Nope. I am going to be really fucked if this happens. So I have decided to work on some skills that I can use should the situation require it. And if movies have taught me nothing else, it's that futuristic civilisations living in garbage, need whores.

Everybody loves a pole dancing whore in the future. You got your soldiers who are fighting the machines, you got your sleazy aliens, and your drunken slobs, a whore can really get through the economic crisis if she has the right moves.

So that is why I am going to get pole dancing lessons. Plus if we happen to survive a nuclear holocaust, then I might be lucky enough to grow an extra boob, and I know that people are going to want to pay money to see freaky shit like that.


Belle said...

Good work.
Im planning on taking over the world and initiating the apocalpyse so I wont need these skills of which you speak, but Ill keep an eye out for you. Might make you the court pole dancing whore...surely thats got to be a step up? Only the finest cyborg soldiers can have you,Ill make sure of that.

Ive got your back *strikes chest twice with fist*

Peace out.

surfercam said...

I think we'll need photographic evidence when you do actually take up pole dancing

Jay said...

If you can moonlight (or would that be daylight?) as a bounty hunter or pirate, then I think you'd have the future all sewn up for yourself -- you'd have the pole dancing success, which would also help keep you fit and your mind sharp for your other activities.

Dash said...

Golden! I've already started building up my stockpile of freaky weapons that always seem to be necessary in an apocalyptic future, and my minions have alreadys tarted on the bunker.