Friday, December 19, 2008

Reasons why I am a douche at Christmas

* This year to feel like a total self-righteous angelina jolie angel baby (cunt), I brought everyone goats, pigs, ducks and chickens from Oxfam. Just so when they open their card and I be all "thats the present! get it! you get a stupid card and some povo african gets a goat!??!" god i'm cool. However secretly I really want a pair of $250 sunglasses. And I am going to make my dad buy them for me. BWAH AHAHAHHA. I am so 'above' your consumerism, and this tacky holiday.. but unless I get those glasses there will be tantrums.

* I would realllllly like to sit on Jeremy Pivens chin when he is smoking this look:

*I lied and told everyone in my husbands family I was turning vegetarian so I could make a scene and be annoying & difficult at our christmas luncheon, also I can be a high and mighty jerk "sorry but meat is murder, are you enjoying your christmas goat??" whilst I sit in my new $250 sunglasses and eat a plate of sausages out the back when noone is looking. HAHAH!!

*I'm going to Cairns (twang) for a holiday and it will be fuuucking hot up there, so I brought a pool. a pool for one. haaha. sucked in losers. good luck trying to get into my pool. not when me and my fat ass are in there hogging the cool waters. suckers!!!!

* I weaseled out of work next week, so I could get a spray tan and play Guitar Hero instead. HAHA!

I'm sure I will come up with more jerky things to do this holiday season.



Anonymous said...

I love that you're owning your jerkiness. It's a whole LOT of jerkiness already for one person, but you wear it well.

Helen said...

You make me laugh so much!