Monday, December 22, 2008

Don't Fuck with Me... I'm Tanned

So, being tanned.. a controversial topic in todays body obsessed society.

Last week I went to drinks with a couple of girlfriends, and when the oggling rating got back to us, I was the "pasty but hot one".. Pasty!!! but Hot..Is that even a compliment?? I don't think so. Which would explain why I had to go home via Maccy D's and have two burgers to drown out the suicidal thoughts of jumping off the ferry on the way home.

However this saturday I was out with some friends, and my good friend has a girlfriend who is The Mega-Tan. You can see her tan from space.. I finally coaxed everybody back to my place for my amazing cheese platter, and the conversation turned to B's crazy tan.

"how long do you tan for?"
"don't you realise the irreversable damage you're doing to your skin?"
"do you want to look like a wallet or something?"
"who has time for 8 hours of tanning a day? can't you just read your books in the shade?"

To which she replied to all our probing "guys, I don't think we came here to discuss my tan.."

True. having a tan-er-vention wasn't what I had in mind. But, for once the conversation was steering towards how great my pasty white skin was, so I wasn't about to let that opportunity slip by.

Seen as how I am going to caiiiirnns (twang) for 2 weeks I decided that I would go hard and against everything my body stands for and get a TAN.

God i'm hot now.

Yeah i'll walk around woolworths with no bra on.. I'm tanned
I'll walk around Westfield in the housiest pants I have... I'm tanned
I don't have to brush my hair.. I'm tanned

The crazy thing is this colour is a number ONE!!!!!!! imagine if I went a number TWO! i'd be an ethiopian.. that's the thing with tanning, once you go brown, you want to go darker. I just want to be a pair of floating eyeballs in a dark room when the lights go out.


Steph said...

I'm a tanorexic and that pic makes me moist.

Have a great christmas xx

Original Mel said...

As a person who has areal, fuck off tan after 2 summers in Europe and 7 weeks travelling through Africa, I'm sick of people telling me how bad my tan is for my skin.

Fuck off, you're jealous because I look hot. And it was acheived in countries with a friggen ozone layer.

That is all.

Anonymous said...

I was reading so intently until I got to the part about the amazing cheese platter and then I got hungry. Am now thinking of cheese.

But the tan was impressive!