Monday, December 29, 2008

Cairns (twang) where everything wants to kill you


I tropical city set amongst mountain ranges, and cane fields. Are we in Thailand? could be. Perhaps we could trick our kids (cos kids are stupid) and tell them we are in Hawaii, then laugh about it later.

Being that Cairns is technically in its wet season, every morning we wake up and do a traditional sundance which consists of eating fruit toast and thinking sunny thoughts. Unfortunately the air-conditioning is broken, so having 15 showers a day is a necessity, as is being attached to the fan. The beaches are un-swimmable because they are muddy brown and have creatures that will kill you. It's a pretty fun town.


One thing it is very important to do on christmas, is torture the cat - as we did, with suitable reindeer accessories. He was none too pleased and casually stuck a claw in my finger later as we played 'catch my hand'

Everyone is jealous of my awesome pool. Especially now that I am superfit from all my christmas pilates workout - this move I call: the beached whale

Other activities one can undertake in Cairns are going to swimming holes, and generally spending 80% of the time in some sort of wet status. Swimming though is always a danger, with stingers, crocodiles, and even inatimate rocks out to kill you at every chance they get. Hence why my toddler pool is a winner, as the scariest thing in there.. is me.

Wildlife Report:

1 wallaby in the park - check
1 kangaroo with gigantic nuts - check, however on closer inspection it turned out to be Cisco Adler, so this doesn't count.
4 sea turtles gliding past and nomming on seagrass - check. Turtles are the 'cats of the sea' however if you thought you could accidentally stand on its head, try to hug it and try to beat it in a race, you would be mistaken.
1 huge stingray - check. Q: How fast does a person swim away from a stingray?? A: fucking fast.
White Lipped Green Tree-Frogs - check, rescued from the road and smelling like paprika.
1 Blue Meanie - check.. didnt expect to see any of these guys in a non-beatles-film, but perhaps Green Island is their natural habitat??

1 horse doing a huge wizz on the side of the road - check
zillions of toad roakill - check. glorious roadkill. death in all its glory.

Oh Toad
Why must you congregate on the Road?
What is it that you require?
That makes you want to make love to my tyre.

I am sporting excellent sunburn on the backs of my knees, and have eaten at least 2kg in lychees from 'the lycheeman' in the past 3 days.

Mmmmmmmm lychees.

As the week progresses - More death defying swimming jaunts, is it wrong to drive over the speed limit in order to get to the lychee-man on time?? NYE, will it just be a guy with a sparkler on the beach? Who is the best at charades? How many more dead toads can we desecrate?

1 comment:

LiSh said...

are toads still roadkill...
or merely toadkill?