Monday, November 10, 2008

We can hang out, but I won't sleep the night.

I'm a bit of a princess. There are some luxuries in life that I just won't budge on. Sleep is one of them.

In my past experience of 28 years of being an avid sleeper, I can tell you that no good sleep can come from staying at someone else's place. It's all bad. Bad blankets, bad pillows, bad ventilation, bad sleep.

I can hark back to many a sleepless night, which is etched into my brain, because how can you forget staring at some strange ceiling for 8 hours straight?? I know I have a very low threshold for discomfort, but seriously, what sort of person can sleep properly on a 2 seater couch? or in the back of a car??

One particularly horrible sleep experience was one time when I was staying at a family friends house in the hills of Byron. Damn Hippies. It comes as no surprise that these tick infested smelly hippies wouldn't think twice about sleeping in the spider infested caravan, considering they had a snake living in their kitchen. I slept with one eye open all night, too scared to move in case something slithered across me and ate me in the middle of the night.

And whilst we're at it - Futons are never an acceptable form of bedding to offer to someone. "here sleep on a lumpy sack of rice"... oh gee thanks!! Mmmm concrete.

Because of these traumatising sleepless experiences, I am always really wary of possible sleep situations that can arise if I am put into a new sleeping environment, because I can guarantee you that if I don't get some decent REM, then i'm never staying over again.

Hence - after this heinous Shappelle Corby experience, I have to say, I will never leave the security of my own bedroom ever again.

You know what that is? a deflated air mattress (essentially a rubber flooring)..A fitted sheet with which to wrap around oneself... and an itchy blanket from Peru.

Erghhh.. I don't know if I'll ever recover. On the plus side, at least I didn't get nits, and no ice addicts broke in, but still, mark can't turn his head left anymore, and I have a sinus infection.

So basically, if the only sleeping arrangement on offer is a spider infested caravan, a fucked up futon that slants to one side, or a prison mattress on the floor, don't expect to see me for any overnight visits again anytime soon.

I loooooooove my bed!!!!!!!!


blokeman said...

Ha ha. It was Kyogle to be precise that night in the caravan.

I remember we were also told to wear shoes if we needed to go to the bathroom, because there were some particularly nasty fire ants that had nested outside the door and to be wary of snakes. I think that was the earliest I have ever gotten up, and the worst sleep I have ever had, constantly paranoid something was going to eat me in the night, let alone the fear of aliens and god it was horrible, we were out and off to Lismore by first light I think. Thanks for the bed guys but ahhh next time, I am sleeping in the car!

Rach said...

"yeah we'll bring back some organic bread for you.. NOT!"


eat my dust Kyogle

KittyMeow said...

I am not a huge fan at all of sleeping at others places too. Actually I can't think of many times I have done it. Proof that I hate it!

And also the reason why I always give my entire bed with my best linen to my visitors. Give them my whole flat and I go stay at my boyfriends. No point someone sleeping uncomfortably.

Helen said...

Wow, I can sleep anywhere! I sleep on tables, on chairs, on couches...

I just can't manage in a car, I need to stretch out. And as someone who had a snake in the kitchen for a few months, it really isn't that bad! Not that I would make someone sleep on a flat air mattress ever!

blokeman said...

Trust us, that snake stunk! it was also big enough to swallow a small child whole.

I had to make a mercy dash to Nimbin after that experience to calm my nerves