Saturday, October 11, 2008

The Pole Dancing Champion

This year for my husbands birthday, I brought us tickets to Miss Pole Dance Australia. Reactions vary when you tell people this, as most people view pole dancing as a sleazy, pornographic, degradation to women.

I can safely tell you people that Pole Dancing is none of these things.

The Pole Dancing Championships were held this year at the Enmore Theatre, for its third year running, the venue was sold out and there were a total of 15 competitors from around the country vying for the prestigous title of Miss Pole Dance Australia. The winner goes to Jamaica for the Pole Dancing World Championships in March, to date, Australia has never won this title.

To quash the notion that the event would be a seedy booze hound male filled cesspool of sweat and semen couldnt be further from truth, the place was packed to the rafters with women, many of them students of pole dancing classes around Sydney, but also family & friends supporting their daughters, and lets just face it - women can appreciate really sexy women without being a lesbian. I saw only 5 guys in the place who fit the sleazy stereotype, however if they thought they were in for an eyefull of flaps, they were wrong.

Pole Dancing is a competitive sport, it combines agility, flexibility, upper-body strength, many of them lithe dancers who have been classically trained in ballet and gymnastics. No fake blonde hair or implants in this group.

Each competitor is judged on their pole skills, manouvres, and style. It boggles the mind how one person can suspend themselves sideways from a pole using just their armpit. There were some performers who varied from doing the 'kate moss' (just standing around the pole), to women who could hang upside down using just a toenail.

However, nothing prepared us for when this years winner (and winner in 2006) Felix Cane took the stage. If God came down from heaven and started to Pole Dance, this is what Felix was like, she was uber-sexy, graceful, and looked like she was born to be on a pole. Upside down, sideways, lengthways, upways, Felix defies gravity.

You really had to feel sorry for the girls that followed her.

This year they introduced doubles-pole which is two women doing synchonised pole dancing, or combining moves on the same pole. How they don't end up with a heel in the eye i'll never know?

The girls all varied with their looks and routines ranging from; Bjork on a pole, rockstar on a pole, ballerina on a pole, egyptian on a pole, geisha on a pole, during the tandem pole -NIDA on a pole (read: bad, really bad) noone wants to see you act and sing, just get on the freaking pole! Some girls didnt even have high heels on which i found offensive, sure you can do all those moves but its not sexy if you're doing it in sneakers now is it??

However I can not forgive the organisers for what they did to the crowd after seeing all these amazing sexy performers, by putting on the last contestant, which can only be described as a Man on a Pole. Noone wants to see that, clearly she was a prostitute, this is competitve sport she-male, noone wants to see you rubbing your gonads when you're lying on the ground. FAIL.

I feel I am now completely knowledgeable on what makes a good pole dancer, so unfortuately on my next outting to a strip club, i'll be the one with a notepad judging on the strippers ability to pull themselves upside down, to suspend themselves using just a knee. I am totally awe inspired by all the competitors though (even the prozzie) as if I tried my hardest to spin myself upside around a pole I would end up in hospital.

Alls I know is, I have to get some money together to afford the trip to Jamaica next year, can you imagine the crazy shit that would be going down on those poles, I bet they are so good they dont even need a pole and they can just hang upside down in midair defying gravity all on thier own.

Pfft gravity, a pole dancers kryptonite.


Sarah said...

Anyone who thinks pole dancing is sleazy or pornographic doesn't have a clue. It could be an olympic sport- you have to be insanely fit to pull off pole tricks, and when you're learning you have to put up with some serious pain and bruises, even just from the mere act of trying to hold onto the pole with your legs! I find it impossible to believe that anyone who's watched a pole-dancer do her stuff, let alone tried it themselves, couldn't have some serious respect for pole dancing as a bloody impressive physical feat.

Bree said...

Oh man!! i just read what you wrote about that last girl.... i hear ya sister! i train at bobbis so we went out with some of the teachers afterward... no joke, the very same shemale prozzie (who apprently owns her own pole studio out in the sticks) was out at the bar too. she came up and started talking about how when she dances she just gets "lost in the music" and how she tunes out the audience. she said she hoped the audience was really getting into it but she couldn't tell. i didn't have the heart to tell her you could hear a cricket chirp while she was on! and the she started talking about her music selection... "I LOVE that first song!!" (ummmm...???? i'm a slut?!... riiigggght.) and "I hope it pumped everyone up!" (yes, Mylie Cyrus is exactly what needs to be slutified with your crotch rub!)
i died when i saw her do the weird cheerleading moves! what was that!?!

overall, it was a good show, but i reckon they could have gotten away with cutting it down to just the 2nd set of singles and the double hey? tooooo long!! maybe they'll get some feedback and change it for next year.

how did your hubby like it?!

Bedazzler said...

I can't appreciate really sexy women without being a lesbian.

That said, I find the contrast between this post, and your post on Vegetarianism pretty amazing really.
In this, you do your best to try to convince us of the worthiness of something usually seen as frivolous and titillating, and do it well - whereas the post on Vegetarianism, the opposite. You paint it as freakish, bland, over-rated and just about every other negative thing imaginable while maintaining some kind of guise of humility and concern. More than that, a lot of the things you said aren't true and I'm not even willing to give it the benefit of the doubt, cos it's just kind of disgusting. I wouldn't mind if it was as funny as you usually are, but it was just a weak justification of your wanton self indulgence given the real facts.

Rach said...

Bree - that is hilarrrrrrious about you talking to her afterwards! how did she even get in the competition??! Those song choices were the worst, Miley Cyrus? come on now.. that is just wrong. And her cheerleading moves were like thrown in to distract us from the fact that she was just rubbing her cooch.

I found it bizarre that they could run so overtime, yet still have time to put on those dumb drag queen performances... how about less drag-queen cher karaoke and more pole dancing.

the Hubby loved it, whats not to love about Felix?

Bree said...

well, to be fair, Maxi Shield has always hosted Bobbi's events, and is rather entertaining as long as she's not left to hold the show on her own, which i felt happened too often the other night. her performances (esp the one with Daisy dancing) give the audience a break from the pole too. otherwise you just see so much of the same moves. I reckon they could have cut out the cheesy fashion parade of the contestants, and and limited the number of competitors to no more than 10. give 2 breaks with non-pole performances from the hosts), don't change the poles, and put the wax girls at the end so you don't spend 20 mins cleaning the poles off mid show. finally, they should have had Chili and Maxi do their closing performance WHILE the scores were being tabulated. keep it moving. i don't know, i've been the last two years, and this year there was a lot of expectation... unfortunately they just tried to do too much, and the audience was bored. i also think that event (minus the performances), should have been another heat, and the TOP 8 or 10 of that group should have gone on to make what would be the final show. if all top performers came from one place (ie NSW and WA) then so be it. The best of ACT just honestly can't be considered next to the best of Australia, so why try that? the final should be the best of the best, not the best of each state. it's just not fair to the girls.

as far as that girl, i that a number of the competitors were out afterward, but it was like she wasn't there with anyone of her own, so she tagged along with the bobbi's girls. so weird.

pro pole dancer said...

wow girl, you started off ok but then you tried to turn yourself into an expert on what works and what doesn't work!! you're a moron!! I'd like to see you try!!

Rach said...

i said it before and i'll say it again.. prostitutes on a pole.. not a good look.