Sunday, October 19, 2008

Dirty Divorce

There would be nothing worse than being reallllly famous, then getting a divorce and having all your dirty secrets aired to the world.. why do I need to know that Paul McCartney used to hide Heather Mills' prosthetic leg and make her crawl to the bathroom (bitch deserved it thou) and now all the crazy shit coming out between Guy and Madge, surely it's not just the massive alimony payouts that hurt in a very public divorce, its the release of personal private information about your personal life that is the scary thing.

That's why I'm really really glad that i'm a big fat nobody... and if the day comes that the Boy wants to divorce me, then noones gonna hear about the following:

That R would always make M cut the onions in every meal that required onions.
R would willingly and purposely show M her used pads to disgust him.
R would walk past M and hurl abuse at him such as "homo-burger" whilst he was on the Playstation.
R would dutch-oven M on numerous occasions, however had the act been reciprocated - M would be forced to leave the bedroom and sleep on the couch.
R would steal all of M's good undies and make them her sleep-undies, branding them hers by use of period stains.
R would play pychological mind games at bedtime by asking "are you gonna wear that to bed?" making M paranoid and ensuing a costume change for no good reason, other than her own amusement.
R would refuse to get the remote control citing the "you're closer" rule - when in fact on numerous occasions, she was closer.
R would take delight in hiding behind doors and jumping out to scare the shit out of M on a regular basis
R would scream "spider!!" at random places (the car, the kitchen, the bedroom) to make M jump up and scream

ahhhhh wedded bliss

2 comments:

KittyMeow said...

Teehehehe Dutch oven. Heh.

Bedazzler said...

No teabagging?