Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Burned Alive

I hate smoke alarms

The building we live in is very 'fire safety' conscious. We have about 5 fire inspections a year, whereby some random comes knocking on your door at 7am, and touches your smoke-alarm to see that its still there.

Yes it's still there.. however the fire-safety door latch is not there. They came around awhile ago and put this fire safety glass on our door, and some fire-safety latch that made the door close on its own accord.

It also made it impossible to open, which would have been fairly redundant if there was a fire in the apartment, because generally i'd like to be running out the door, not abseiling down the building from a makeshift ladder made from bra's and sheets.

Then one fate-filled night, whilst I was cooking dinner in my pyjamas, we took the garbage out and whilst we were standing in the doorway, Lenny made a mad dash for freedom, and whilst we ran down the hallway to capture him, the door slammed shut behind us.

That's just awesome, doesn't everyone want to be locked out with the stove on, in pyjamas, with a cat??! Yeah our neighbours have never quite looked at us the same.

Damn that fire-safety latch.

So as soon as I paid the locksmith the $200 to let me back in, I took a screwdriver to that piece of shit lock and unscrewed it, and hey presto! never been locked out since.

and yet, the annoyance of not being burned to a crisp continues.

The smoke alarms beep. allllll the time... sometimes its just one beep, sometimes they beep all night, sometimes its a quiet beep, sometimes its a loud beep. One time my mum stayed over and thought there was a whistling spider in the house, no.. just the moronic possessed smoke alarm that doesn't want us to get a full night's sleep...ever.

I'm really this close to taking a hammer to all the smoke alarms in the building, I can.not.handle.the.beeping. It's not even a well timed beeping you can get used to.

BEEEEEP..... Beep............................BEEP.......................Beep

I really don't see the point, it's not like i'm not going to smell a fire if I can't sleep 2 mins straight.

Apparently its illegal to go on a smoke alarm smashing rampage.. maybe i should burn the smoke alarm, like some kind of irony.. or something.. i dunno.. i'm tired.



Anonymous said...

hahaha wow. I guess I'm actually pretty lucky then. I took the battery outa mine the first wk I moved in. Taking a shower set it off ever time - no matter how hot or cold!

blokeman said...

I use to live in an apartment in Mosman that had a possessed smoke alarm, it kept going off. Not just beeping but going nuts, no smoke nothing. Then it started beeping!

I put battery after battery in there and it just wouldn't stop beeping.

So I removed the battery thinking that was it and I would be happy until Mr inspector came along to replace it.

Even with the battery gone, it still beeped at me and went off a few times. Then I found the ultimate solution.

I cleared some room in the freeze and put the smoke alarm in there. Never did it beep again, I eventually moved it to the fridge as a conversation piece. Everytime someone opened the fridge they asked why there was a smoke alarm in there, I got sick of explaining so put a little sticky note on it explaining the situation!

*~Dani~* said...

Randomly beeping smoke alarms are my own personal nightmare. Unfortunately, it has been a reality all too often. I feel your pain.

Zoe said...

Heh, my smoke alarms do that too. All three of them, at varying intervals, and for no apparent reason. It's a truly joyous experience.

Sarah said...

Ours started doing that once and... well, I wouldn't blame you for smashing it. Ended up being a battery problem. Even though it was wired in, it had a back-up battery in case of a fire during a blackout or something (I suppose), and beeped when the battery went flat.

Sez said...

What Sarah said, back up batteries are going flat. They would all be from the same batch so hence going flat at the same time. I've been there, and fucking hell! Those beeps drive you mad! Especially when you are dropping off to sleep.