Thursday, September 04, 2008

Smelling the Crotch of Life

So life sucks ass does it? Do you work in a dark dingey dungeon 8 hours day? Do you never see the sunlight? Are you practically see-through from never getting any light on your skin and do your eyes sting when you somehow manage to get a second of vitamin D when you go for a walk outside for the first time in weeks..

Do you have no windows? Do you have a window, but it has bars on it and has a view of a fence and concrete wall making you feel more and more like the prisoner your boss expects you to be?
Do you sit alone, not speaking to anyone for hours and hours at a time, trying to make friendly chit chat over the phone with strangers because it’s the closest thing you’ll come to human contact all day?

Do you not even like talking on the phone? Do you forget how to act around people because you are locked in your dungeon all day and forget the niceties of the human race?

Does your boss make you listen to 2gheyFM all day? The same 8 songs on the same rotation day in day out. Do you just want to punch Kate Perry in her dumb lesbo mouth? Does your boss burn hideous stank incense all day long which makes your eyes water and your nose itch, and you can’t get any fresh air because the windows are all sealed and the heater sucks all the air out of the room and you feel light-headed from the insanity of it all. Do you have to sit alone in your hellish existence whilst your boss has a nap??

Do you have absolutely no passion left for your job whatsoever and merely think of it as punishment for a pay check? Would you rather die than go back to that dungeonesque hellhole for five more minutes?!

I hear ya.

But at the same time, I like to look on the positive side of things. Yeah my life is really sucking right now, sucking like a baby gorilla on its mama’s titty. Well you need to pull yourself off that titty and look at things in a different light.

Would you rather - Smell the glove of a plumber after he has de-clogged a really hairy drain (my drain) OR smell the crotch of a marathon runner after running the marathon on a really long day, with high humidity.

Would you rather lick a few-day-old road kill OR pash a crusty old grandma in a retirement home who smells like wee.

When you look at things in this light, the mind numbing shitbox of life isn’t that bad by comparison. If all you had to pick and choose from in this life were really horrible things all the time, well you would have gone nuts with a pickaxe a long time ago. Luckily you don’t have a fulltime job sniffing plumbers hairy stank gloves all day long. Life is marginally better than that. Marginally. And that is what should keep you from driving off that cliff Thelma & Louise style.

yes my words, as they appear in 3D world this week. Yay for me. If you want a copy, its on the street!

4 comments:

Skinny Girl said...

Quit that job baby!

Lana said...

Quitting is for winners. Take the plunge! Not off the cliff though.

wee-h said...

I wouldnt want to be cooped up in that office over winter, summer is bad enough, but over winter youll be wanting Iana's cliff!

Anonymous said...

QUITSKEEE EEEzeee call!!