Saturday, September 27, 2008

the Indignity of Changerooms

I rarely ever go clothes shopping. I have items in my wardrobe that I have been wearing for the past 8 years. Clothes are so boring, they are essentially only useful against the elements, otherwise I would totally go nude. Although that would mean having to have a perfectly manicured bush all the time, and I dont think I am really down with that.

So today I went clothes shopping. Another thing in addition to the fact that I never go clothes shopping, I also never buy full price. Retail prices are for suckers. So I traipsed to the outlet shops and perused through their largely uninteresting line of winter stock.. really not what I had in mind considering the temperatures are bound to be in the 30's any day now, and whilst that huge fluffy antartica jacket from French Connection was a bargain, it was hardly what I would call a smart buy, so I moved on.

And the best place to move onto in this shopping mecca is the David Jones Warehouse... ahhh the David Jones Warehouse.... if heaven had an outlet store, it would be a golden, sky-lit David Jones Warehouse.

Inside the David Jones Warehouse are rows upon rows of clothes from your brand designers discounted to a rate of 80%... I don't care for brands, nor do I care for what is fashionable, I will never wear high-waisted jeans to my nipples, and I will never wear white pants, so I think its safe to say that I shop conservatively to my particular style and tastes.

The problem being at the David Jones Warehouse, is that because I go shopping maybe twice a year for things I get really overloaded, how can you say no to a pair of shorts if they are discounted from $300 to $40???? you can't.. and unless they are ridiculously muffin-toppy the odds are if they look good on me, i'm going to buy them..

I also hate doing repeat trips to the changeroom, so I will load myself up with ............ 30 items?? the maximum itemage for the changerooms is 4 items. This is where I get into trouble.. I didnt just spend the past 45 minutes scouring through the racks to leave my treaures for some other bargain prospecter to snatch, so I usually take them all in with me.

That is unless the clothesroom nazi is on patrol.

Todays clothesroom nazi made me hang up my 35 items and only allowed me to take 4 in with me... this is really really really annoying, because I can tell within 5 seconds of putting something on, if I like it or not.

So I went through the 4 items I had with me, in under a minute..

"ahem!" I say sticking my head out a crack to get the ladies attention... and she brings me another 4 items and I hand over the rejects.

This went on about 5 times, and now I was just standing there in the doorway in my underwear for all to see going "four more please!!"

I even stopped closing the door because it was wasting precius time in getting new items into the changeroom.

The turning point in the situation, was when I was in my knickers asking for more clothes and she's gone.. "hello! 4 more please!" and no answer.. so here I am wandering around the changerooms in my underwear like a lost mental patient trying to find my clothes...

Did I mention it was a co-ed changeroom. Yeah I bet the old pepaws were loving the show I was putting on for them. Eventually she saw me, and shoved all the clothes I had waiting for me in the doorway so I didnt have to go on anymore naked missions to get them myself.

But really? In the discount outlet invironment I think the 4 items or less rules for the changeroom needs to be revised to 4kg of items or less.

Humiliating.

I will never shop again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2 comments:

Sarah said...

Oh well, at least you made her work for it...

unique_stephen said...

About 10 years ago tere was a trendy cloths shop on Chapple St in Melbourne on the Parahan side down past the Jam Factory when I was down there.
It was the kind of store which sold cloths that could only be worn in a night club and if you were a chick everything would need double sided tape if you didn't want to flash everybody, which you probably didn't care about because they had co-ed change rooms, or rather A (as in 1) co-ed room, a big room with mirrors all around and a few benches.
I used to go there a lot