Sunday, September 07, 2008

Ant Glove Initiation Ceremony

Had a huuuuge saturday last night: comfy pants/blankie/couch. Learnt many things. I swear I am at least 3% smarter since getting Foxtel. There was a show on last night called TABOO (nat geo channel) which showed various stories of fucked up things that people do to feel like they belong, or things they are forced to do because thats what their culture demands of them.

The best thing was this village in the "jungle" (somewhere in africa) where they make all the men wear the "Bullet-Ant Glove" for 10 mins to prove they are men.. Now, the Bullet Ant is one seriously dangerous ant, they showed time-lapse of these ants eating a frog. Ants dont eat frogs! they come to picnics and carry off unwanted crumbs! These ants, are fiesty.

Anyway, so these boys/men have to wear the ant-glove for 10 mins, the ants are sewn into the glove with their stingers pointing inwards, their venom causes paralysis, and a whole world of pain. But.. it gets worse.. they have to wear the ant-glove TWENTY times before they are considered a man, which means they arent allowed to build a house, cant get married, cant go hunt, basically you have to live with your parents till you die unless you can fulfil the ant-glove challenge.

I would say this radical test of ones character has one flaw, if any of these villagers are actually Dee Why bums, then they would be like "yeah no ant-glove for me today... " and continue to mooch of their parents and live in the garage.

Moving on, after watching this program I was thinking that us capitalist westerners are such pussies. We have no rites of passage. You just do what you want when you want and don't give a shit. We're a very lame society. The only rites of passage I can think of is for teenagers to go to the beach/park get blind drunk on rocket fuel stolen from your parents, and throwing your guts up all night and having a massive hangover the next day. Yes Underage Park drinking is what mark's the end of childhood for most of the adolescents I grew up with.

I say we bring the Ant Glove into our culture. Meat Pies, Cricket and the Ant-Glove. I want to see men who are men.

What was I saying? Oh yeah. Foxtel Rules. If anyone from National Geographic channel wants to employ me, I will be your corporate spokeswhore.

Ant Glove!


Chole said...

Not sure I'd want a peen that's been munched on by bullet ants. Sounds like a built in excuse for when you're not in the mood though, "sorry honey, those bites all over your peen are staring at me again!"

( . )( . ) said...

Hmmm... my adolescence seems to have dragged on into my early twenties, give me the ant glove, I'll give it a go!