Sunday, August 03, 2008

The Pork Knuckle Incident

As some of you might remember I have a history at the Bavarian Beer Cafe in The Rocks, most recently being the Ham Salad Incident when I said to the waitress "what is this? I dont care if I ordered this, I wanted a hotdog! I may have said ham salad, but I was clearly thinking hotdog" sheezsh.. at any rate, I don't doubt I am their least favourite of patrons.

Today The Boy & I figured we'd go for a wander down to The Rocks and once again, try to have a nice lunch at the Bavarian Beer Cafe... but unfortunately someone up there hates us. We sat (fortuituously?) in the same seat as the 'ham salad incident'.. cue: The Pork Knuckle Incident.

It's funny how when you're in a long-term domesticated relationship, pissy arguments can spiral out of control. So pretty much from the moment we sat down, me and The Boy started arguing about Pork Knuckles & German Hotdogs. We argued whilst we were ordering, We argued whilst we were eating, We argued whilst we were just sitting there staring at each other, deep in thought about hotdogs and pork knuckles.

By this time, I had had enough of the Pork Knuckle Discussion, so I stormed off. Yeah I'm heated. Who knew that a sausage could throw me into such turmoil ??Needless to say I picked up my shit, walked off and left The Boy with the bill and his stupid Pork Knuckle.

I figured he'd pay the bill, then we'd meet up later when we had both cooled off and could have a mature conversation about Bavarian meats. This is when The Boy chases me down the street.. through no foreplanning, we totally did the runner on the Bavarian Beer Cafe.

Oops.

Nothing ends an arguement quicker than realising you are both now on the run from The Law, and The Rocks is the perfect place to be running from (imaginary) kitted up Bavarian Waiters in Lederhoesen.

Having watched "The Bourne Ultimatum" the night before, The Boy thought the perfect escape hideout would be the bustling Rocks Markets. pfft that is wayyy to obvious, everyone knows if you are being chased by angry waiters in stupid costumes you try to blend in with other shoppers in a busy marketplace. Cliche Much?

I decided instead that we would hide out in the crappy Arts & Crafts store, where they sell lots of crap made by the Hornsby TAFE students. Noone is going into this shop.. trust me. We hid out there for awhile, decided not to buy leatherey S&M masks to disguise ourselves, and instead turned up our collars and disguised ourselves with sunglasses and baseball caps... Genius.

We walked the rest of the way home, certain that someone was going to tap us on the shoulder and say "can you come with us please". I didn't want to get arrested and lose my chances of working overseas.. hell no! No stupid Pork Knuckle is worth that.

So whilst we did make it home, we are undeterred that it will not be our last meal at the Bavarian Beer Cafe, we just need to get better disguises next time, and also give $40 to a homeless person so our karma can even itself out.

to take a turn of phrase from the comedic styles of Basil Fawlty:

"don't mention the Pork Knuckle"

5 comments:

unique_stephen said...

better luck with the next sausage

( . )( . ) said...

I am surprised to say I have never done a runner from a restaurant, although it would be so easy. I have contemplated but never achieved. Hoorah for thieves!!

surfercam said...

WTF is a Pork Knuckle?
Great story!

Anonymous said...

great way to end an argument...& they happily ever after the Pork Knuckle Incident (how romantic!)

Anonymous said...

how canyou not know what a fuckin'pork nuckle is,dickweed...Pork (pig,ya know oink oink) Knuckle (a knuckle.)
Sheesh.
Dumbass.