Wednesday, August 06, 2008

The Mary-Kate Conspiracy

I love a good conspiracy theory. Lone Gunman. UFO's. Marilyn Monroe. The Iraq War. Last night whilst in the throes of twilight this came to me like a bolt of lightning.

MARY-KATE OLSEN KILLED HEATH LEDGER

Let's discuss:

WHY: Heath Ledger was ridiculously good looking, and from all accounts he seemed like a really awesome down to earth guy. Incredibly Talented. Incredibly Successful. How could a girl not fall in love with that? Mary-Kate did. Mary-Kate fell hard.

It has come out in various magazines that Mary-Kate was indeed in love with Heath, they had a love affair for a few months leading up to the month he died in January.... was this before or after he visited Australia for Christmas with his girlfriend Gemma Ward? Did Mary-Kate know that Heath was also in romantic trysts with the Australian Beauty? perhaps. perhaps not. But surely anger and jealousy plant a firm seed of motive for why MK would want to do away with her lover.

Ever since the untimely death of Heath, Mary Kate's part in the tragedy has been shrouded in secrecy. She is refusing to speak about it to Police. She wants immunity. Innocent people don't ask for immunity.

HOW: The fact that Heath was found dead in Mary-Kate's apartment lends a lot to speculation. Everyone who was working with Heath knew he was sick, knew he was was having trouble sleeping and knew he was taking medication for it. Being that Heath was in an apartment owned by MK gives the woman some advantages in committing the perfect crime.

Heath was alone in the apartment... well except for the Masseuse and House-staff.. Mary-Kate's Masseuse and House-staff to be exact. Would it be hard to mix a couple of deadly OxyContin (illegally obtained) with the large array of prescriptions he was already taking? Would he even notice? Would it be hard to pay off a minimum wage earner to do the deed?

Forbes magazine estimates the Olsen Twins to have a net worth of $100 Billion. Even if MK paid one of her staff, the masseuse, her bodyguards to cover up her crime at a Billion dollars each, is it really that much to her?

Scorned Billionaires are not to be fucked with.

I propose that someone in MK's staff gave Heath the drugs, I propose that the Masseuse was in charge of calling MK about it when they knew for sure he was dead. I propose that the bodyguards that MK sent over to her apartment cleaned up anything out of sorts before the paramedics arrived.

THE FINAL NAIL IN THE COFFIN: Mary-Kate is a twin. And if film and literature have taught us anything is that there is always an evil twin:

Just look at them, they both look evil to me. And if they're both evil, then the Evil-Twin of the pair must the most diabolical twin in existence. As an interesting side note: the Olsen Twins were born on June 13th 1986.. Friday the 13th to be exact.

Mary-Kate killed Heath Ledger because she was a scorned lover. He had a new girlfriend, and she couldn't handle it. She played the friend card and gave him somewhere to crash whilst he was in NY, carefully laying out the strands of her web of deceit. Heath Ledger was murdered... I doubt they will ever prove it, but she has more money than OJ to throw at this case to make it go away.

I'll never watch Full House again.

15 comments:

Jacob said...

As recently as yesterday I was moaning about the lack of good blogging happening nowadays. Now, I stand corrected. Funniest shit ever, Rach.

Anonymous said...

you should write a board game

Helen said...

That makes so much sense! Wow... you're a genius!

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

PSSSSST...you forgot to say "Allegedly"

You can say anything as long as that little word is there!

Mary Kate and Heath Ledger were ALLEGEDLY snorting fairy liquid off the sink days before he died...

Rach said...

oopsy you're right.. here I am saying you don't tangle with billionaires and what am I doing?? tangling baby.

"Allegedly"

"allegedly she fucked him sideways then stuffed those oxycotin down his throat, held him there to watch the life flicker from his eyes, then brought the bodyguards in to clean up the mess... allegedly"

Anonymous said...

Genious!!!!!

Friday said...

Weeeell, of course she fuckin did. How could we not see it. Pffft. Why didnt i think of that? Dirty little frickin twin...

Anonymous said...

I don't mean to get involved in all this however when I was living in L.A
the word on the street was that Heath owed a whole lot of money to the Olsen twins and to pay them back,he would get them all these prescription drugs.He really helped Mary Kate when she was ostracised by Hollywood for her weight loss and they became close.He started dating the other twin( the fatter one)just a short before the divorce was finalised with his wife.They all got themselves so fucked up n drugs one night that the Olsen twins were both hospitalised due to hallucinations.I can;t say much more,only that they are in huge shit with monet owing to drug dealers and for posession of prescription drugs.
I would rather remain anonymous but will add that Heath was an amazing guy to be around and those twins should burn in hell.Michelle hates them!

Anonymous said...

I am not ever into talking about this however this made me laugh a lot and feel like it's okay to let people know how rotten those twins are..When I was living in L.A
the word on the street was that Heath owed a whole lot of money to the Olsen twins and to pay them back,he would get them all these prescription drugs.He really helped Mary Kate when she was ostracised by Hollywood for her weight loss and they became close.He started dating the other twin( the fatter one)just a short time before the divorce was finalised with his wife.They all got themselves so fucked up on drugs one night that the Olsen twins were both hospitalised due to hardcore devil hallucinations.I can"t say much more,only that they are in huge shit with money owing to drug dealers and for posession of prescription drugs.
I would rather remain anonymous but will add that Heath was an amazing guy to be around and those twins should burn in hell.Michelle hates them!

Rach said...

very interesting

that would explain why she was do adamant about getting immumity. nasty little criminal.

fuck the olsens.

Full House wasnt that great anyway.

Who the fuck is buying their branding to make them into Billionaires in the first place?

Anonymous said...

I hear that the Olsen twins are actually much older than they say they are.They are actually 650 years old.

Anonymous said...

So what, I fucked the olsen twins before they were famous anyway, and the girl in Hansen

Anonymous said...

i fist fucked anne hathaway

Anonymous said...

hahaha he said 100 billion, as soon as i read that i laughed and concluded the writer is an idiot

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