Tuesday, August 26, 2008

The Bag of Terror

you know how sometimes you just want to beat the crap out of someone, but have to hold back for fear of you know... serious prison time.. well VOILA! I present to you:

THE BAG OF TERROR

INGREDIENTS:
1 x Sleeping Bag
1 x Cat
1 x small child
1 x bird
1 x vaccum
1 x guitar

Now.. what you do is put said person who deserves a beating in said Bag of Terror. The Cat through its mental cat-ness will totally freak out because there's a bird, and a small child (cats hates children of all ages, but mostly small children) Then for added effect do some vaccuming and strumming of the guitar around the bag and watch the fun.

Whoever enters the Bag of Terror will be Scratched The Fuck Up! when they are released. (make sure you do not trim your cats nails before you attempt the Bag of Terror)

The best part is, that noone's gonna believe that you were 'thrown into a sleeping bag with a cat, a bird, a small child, whilst your tormentors vaccumed around you and strummed the guitar' HA! good luck proving anything (yes you Jeff Conway!) Cat's don't leave fingerprints.

My first victims in the Bag of Terror, will be;

the dumbshit 'actor' who works at Borders fulltime and hasn't done any acting jobs, yet still harps on about being an actor. hey! dickbreath! you're a shop-assistant.... In the bag cunt.

secondly, the person who told everyone about my 'rash' ..that information is not open for public knowledge, why must I answer the phone to "hows ya rash goin?" from complete strangers? do they even know where my rash is?? (it was on my face) I dont want no people knowin about my rash... In the bag with ya.

3 comments:

Kezza said...

Oooh baby, let me at that bag. I have some prime candidates who need to spend a little time in there!

I just can't help but think it might add tot he terror aspect if the bag was suspended mid-air, what do you think?

Rach said...

haaaaaaa

mid air would be great!!!!!!!! then you can slash the bottom open and the victim will not only be all scratched up but hopefully land on their head too.

Bedazzler said...

I'd like to make a list of all the people I'd put in there. Celine Dion, Paris Hilton, Woody Allen...just to start what could take hours.